


A Worthy Rival

by ElyssaFlaherty



Series: The 'Pota' Chronicles [1]
Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Chess, Emotional Baggage, F/M, INTPs dealing with (omg) emotions, Love Triangles, Mind Games, Self-Worth Issues, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Swearing, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 33,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElyssaFlaherty/pseuds/ElyssaFlaherty
Summary: I’ve been feeling lonely lately, so I decided to apply for the Love Island reality show. I don’t usually watch that kind of stuff, but since I was picked for Casa Amor, I had to watch it, if only just to get an idea of who’s who and who’s a bit of me.The more I watched, the more I found myself drawn to someone I had dismissed right at the start.
Relationships: Carl/Main Character (Love Island)
Series: The 'Pota' Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897330
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	1. The Boy on the Train

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very short prologue for my CarlxMC story. It's from Carl's POV and it follows his Love Island experience.
> 
> A huge thank you to Kat for being my beta-reader and in general an awesome writer and person.

My nimble fingers are fiddling with the cord of my earbuds, but I’m not looking at them; my eyes are fixed on my phone’s screen. 

I’ve been feeling lonely lately, so I decided to apply for the Love Island reality show. I don’t usually watch that kind of stuff, but since I was picked for Casa Amor, I had to watch it, if only just to get an idea of who’s who and who’s a bit of me.

I’ve watched all the episodes from my couch at home with my sister. At first I liked Hope and Marisol’s vibes: successful, confident and smart. But their behaviour towards Noah and Rocco threw me off quite a bit. The more I watched, the more I found myself drawn to someone I had dismissed right at the start.

That’s who’s on my screen right now, playing a weird simulation game. She presented herself as a ‘youtube gamer’ on day one and that was the end of it for me. Or so I thought.

I pictured her as this silly girl screaming into a screen and pretending to be scared by the fiftieth jumpscare. But on the show she seemed different, actually pretty insightful and smart. Watching her being unappreciated by all of the guys she had coupled up with made me determined to understand what her deal was. That’s why I started watching her videos on the train to and from work.

Admittedly, there is some screaming and cussing, mostly in Italian, in her videos. But beyond all the silliness, there’s a strong conviction driving her to seek perfection and efficiency.

I pause the video to call a taxi; I’m almost home and I just need to pick up my luggage and go to the airport. I’ll watch the next episode from the hotel and… after that, the next time I see her will be in the flesh. 


	2. Casa Is Where The Amor Is

I’m the last one to jump out of the jeep.

All the girls turn to look at me. I scan the little crowd and soon meet Sara’s eyes.

It’s so weird! I’ve been watching the show, I’ve gazed into her eyes more times than I care to admit. But this is the very first time that she sees me too. She knows nothing about me, but I already know so many things about her. She doesn’t even know my name yet.

“Hello girls, I’m Carl.”

“You already know our names, don’t you?” says Lottie.

“Of course, we’ve all been watching the show,” I reply.

“So you must have favourites then!” chimes Chelsea.

“Gotta be Lottie,” says Kassam unexpectedly.

“I’m all for Sara! I’ve been subscribed to your channel for years!” says Felix.

Sara doesn’t look very impressed and she doesn’t react at all. She just turns her eyes to Arjun.

“I don’t know yet, you’re all so gorgeous,” he says.

“Same, honestly,” adds Elijah.

Half of the group turns to Graham and the other half to me. Sara’s in the second half: . I meet her eyes for a split second. Should I say something? After the way she reacted to Felix, I don’t know if I should. But I don’t really wanna lie, I do have a favourite and she should know that.

“I’m with Felix here. Except that I didn’t know about her channel until the show started.”

While everyone else turns to Graham, Sara’s big brown eyes linger on me a little longer. For someone who came across so cool, her eyes held an unexpected warmth.

“I’m not gonna tell you already.” says Graham, shrugging.

Sara’s inquisitive gaze finally turns away from me. I wonder what information she’s gathered. If she was flattered by Felix’s devotion she didn’t show it, but maybe jumping on the bandwagon is even worse in her eyes.

Well, I’m not interested in any relationship built on lies. I’ll be true to myself and if we’re compatible it’ll just happen.

A text comes and we sit at the tables for the speed dates. I chat with the other girls before sitting at Sara’s table.

“So... you started watching my videos at the start of the show?”

I’m surprised by her directness. 

“Yes, I don’t usually follow gamers. I saw you on the show and I wanted to see more. You seem to have a fascinating mind.”

“Thank you. Most people only notice my fascinating boobs.”

She sounds sarcastic, as if she doesn’t believe what I said. 

“Your boobs are definitely eye catching, but that’s hardly a good foundation for a relationship. If I just wanted a girl with nice boobs to have fun with, I could have gone to the pub. I came all this way to get something more than just a bit of fun.”

She raises her eyebrows in amusement at my honesty and her mouth curls into a little smirk.

The alarm goes off and we have to switch. When I look back, I notice her eyes following me, but she averts them immediately. Fuck, she seems interested… I mustn’t let my devastating awkwardness ruin everything! 

I go around once more and finally end up back at Sara.

“You already know who I am, but I know nothing about you.”

“I’m a tech entrepreneur from Dublin and I’m a bit of a workaholic. I’m smart, organized and a little awkward.”

“A little awkward? Good to know, I want to be prepared.”

Her eyes portray genuine interest, but she seems to be keeping her cards close to her chest.

“What can I say, I’m good with computers, but not so much with people. But I think you might enjoy my deep conversations, that’s where I shine.”

“Looking forward to it then. I haaaaate small talk. I mean, who cares about every stupid little detail of life. I like to talk about interesting stuff, like the meaning of existence or-”

The alarm goes off, interrupting Sara’s little rant. She grimaces at it and continues

“-the future for AI technology.”

“We’ll talk later, don’t worry.”

I go to the next table, but I’m only half there. I seem to have sparked her interest and I’ve seen how easily she can get bored sometimes. Actually, the fact that she got kinda worked up makes me feel pretty hopeful about the possibilities.

A text informs the girls of special deliveries from the villa and they go inside, leaving us by the pool.

“So, what do you reckon?” says Graham.

“I reckon that Graham is all over Marisol,” replies Arjun with a playful grin.

“Sara doesn’t seem to like me,” says Felix dejectedly.

No one speaks and we stay in an awkward silence for a solid minute.

“Should we work out the bed situation?” says Elijah.

“I think the girls should have a say in that, don’t you think?” replies Graham.

“Of course. We should also offer to sleep on the daybeds, to give them space.” I add.

The girls pour out of Casa.

Felix immediately runs over to them.

“Ladies, we were waiting for you, we have to decide who’s sleeping with who!”

“Pota, that’s true.” exclaims Sara. 

“Po-tuh?” answers Felix, genuinely confused.

“Didn’t you say you’ve been following my channel for years?”

Felix opens his mouth and closes it without a word and then turns bright red.

“I-I never came across it…”

“Yeah, sure.”

Sara crosses her arms and scowls at him.

“Guess you’re not sharing a bed with me, then?” he says, a little hopeful.

“Pretty much.” she replies.

“Oh, come on Sara, don’t be so cruel to Felix.... he’s just a little over-enthusiastic, aren’t you?” intervenes Priya.

Sara raises one eyebrow at her in disbelief while Priya sashays to him.

He gives her a huge smile and a look of profound admiration. She drapes her arm on his shoulders and gives him a little kiss on the temple.

Sara pulls a half-grimace, half-smile face and sticks her tongue playfully at Priya.

All the other people have already scattered. Now that Priya has intervened, Sara looks less on edge and I have to seize the opportunity to talk to her and ask her to share a bed.

“Hey, Sara, can I talk to you… in private?”

She turns to me and her face tells me that she already knows what I’m about to ask.

We move to the swinging bed, luckily there’s no one else around, I could never do something like this in front of the others.

“I-I wanted to-”

“Do you know what ‘pota’ is?”

I look at her with my mouth half open, surprised.

“Erm, I haven’t seen a lot of your videos, but I heard you say that and looked it up. It’s an exclamation that’s typical of the region in which you were born, isn’t it?”

She looks at me with that intense gaze of hers. I hope this means she’s impressed. 

“Yes, it is. I learned it when I was still living in Bergamo and it kinda became my catchphrase.”

“Can you speak Italian?”

“Yes, that’s the language I use to talk to my parents and relatives. What about you? Can you speak Irish?”

“Not really, but I can understand it fairly well, my nan’s from Kerry and she still uses it.”

“Languages are stupid, aren’t they? So arbitrary and full of exceptions.”

“I sometimes wish we could all speak in binary. No misunderstandings, no weird exceptions.”

“Yes, that’s what I mean! English especially has such weird rules, how come words spelled differently sound exactly the same?!”

This is what drew me to her. Her cool exterior is just a pose. She can be actually quite passionate if you find a topic that sparks her interest.

“Beats me...”

“I know why English is weird like this, its story is quite crazy, but it’s kinda infuriating.”

She stops gesticulating and clears her throat to regain her composure.

“Uh, I guess I interrupted you, what were you about to tell me?”

She looks at me expectantly. My heart is beating so fast and my legs feel weak and cold.

“I… erm, I wanted to ask you to sleep with me. Uh-”

Shit shit shit shit-

“I mean… erm, not in a sexual way, it’s just sleeping, unless you don’t want to, I can sleep outside if you prefer, or maybe you want to sleep with someone else, you can just-”

“Shhhh… Carl, calm down.” she interrupts my verbal diarrhea, “It’s okay, I get what you mean. I’m just sorry that you don’t want to sleep with me in a sexual way, that’s just too bad.”

What?

I gape at her and she sustains my gaze with a straight face. She snorts and breaks down in a chuckle.

“I’m just playing with you. Ok, let’s share a bed.“

A shiver of relief trickles down my spine and I let out a huge sigh.

“I know that it’s too early and that you don’t know me, but I really want to get to know you. Not just here, four days wouldn’t be nearly enough to get to know a person, any person.” 

“You’re saying that you want me to bring you back to the Villa?”

“Yes, because you… intrigue me. I want to find out all there is to know about you.”

She raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. I sigh and cover my face with my hands.

“Sadly, there’s no way for me to show you that I’m not just trying to get into the Villa. So, I’ll just show you who I really am and let you decide if I’m someone you want around or not. Does that make sense to you?”

She silently studies my worried face for a moment and then she nods.

“Yes, it does.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”


	3. Saturday Night’s Alright for Chess

“I hate that game.”

Priya suggested we play Spin the Bottle, but I really don’t want to. I don’t care for meaningless snogging. Plus, there’s only one person here that I’d like to kiss, and I don’t want it to be just a fucking game.

Chelsea frowns at me.

“Oh, come on Carl, it’ll be fun!”

“I don’t wanna play either. You all can do it without us,” says Sara.

They all send disapproving glares our way, but they quickly shake it off and sit in a circle to play.

“Why don’t you want to play?” I ask Sara.

“Because I don’t need an excuse to kiss someone I like. And in this game you always end up having to kiss someone you don’t care about. What about you?”

“I prefer a different kind of game. Can you play chess?”

Her lips purse, but in her eyes there’s an unmistakable spark.

“Duh.”

My mouth curls into a smirk.

“I brought a chessboard with me. Fancy a game?”

“What are we waiting for?”

Her eyes sparkle with competitiveness. I go inside to take my own chess board and then return to her with it.

“Black or white?” I ask.

“Black.”

We set the pieces in place and I make my first move. She makes hers.

At first it’s rapid fire, back and forth. After a while it takes a little more to plan ahead.

We both turn our heads when we hear the guys cheer. Elijah and Arjun are snogging pretty hard.

We turn back to the game almost immediately. I look up at her, her brown eyes dart back and forth along the board, carefully evaluating every possible move.

She’s quite aggressive, but I notice she’s become a little careless with her defence. I push my rook sideways. She eats my queen with her knight, she looks almost smug as she removes my queen from the board. I push my rook forward.

“Checkmate.”

Her head jerks back in disbelief. Her jaw drops when she realises that her king is trapped by her own pawns.

She looks up at me, a little disappointed but definitely impressed.

“G-g man, g-g.”

We were so caught up in the game that we didn’t even realise the other game finished long ago. Everyone else seems to be gone.

“I’d love to have another match but I’m well exhausted.” she adds.

“We can play again tomorrow, let’s go to bed, ok?”

“Ok.”

We get ready for bed and climb under the covers.

We’re facing each other. I still can’t believe that I got here and managed to get her to like me enough to get into bed with me. I’m usually not good with people and that hasn’t changed in the slightest. She doesn’t seem to be that good with people either. Maybe that’s why we seem so comfortable with each other. Maybe it’s a mutual understanding that this is  _ just so fucking hard _ and we should let silly little things slide.

We haven’t even kissed yet, but I’m totally fine with that. This connection is worth more to me. I’m not looking for something to burn through quickly. I’m looking for someone who I can see myself committing to long term, someone who shares my ideals and goals. We’ll take it as slow as we need to.

We keep slowly blinking at each other. Is it that I’m falling asleep or is she actually smiling?


	4. It’s just a theory, a Challenge Theory!

“Guys usually gloat when they win against me. Or they let me win because I’m a fucking damsel in distress.”

“Would you have gloated if you had won?”

“I would have. It’s ok to gloat if your opponent is worthy. Winning against people who aren’t good is just punching down, but winning against a champ feels amazing.”

“Sorry, but gloating isn’t my style. I guess it’s because I know you could have won, you’re quite good. It’s just that sometimes everybody loses.”

“You’re a better man than I am, then. Next time we play I’m gonna kick your arse so damn hard you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

I raise my eyebrows at her and she lets out a little chuckle.

“But you said you don’t like it when people let you win just because you’re a woman.”

She rolls her eyes.

“If you let me win I’m gonna kick you for real. I want a real fight, not a pity party.”

“Are there people who really think you need to be pitied? How stupid are they?”

“You’d be surprised. Being half famous gives you the privilege of meeting some proper sorts you’d never think would exist in the twenty-first century.”

There’s a stark bitterness in her voice. I look at her inquisitively, but she brushes it away with a little shake of her head. She gulps down what little is left of the breakfast cappuccino I made for her.

“Thank you for the breakfast by the way, I’m going to get ready for the day, see you later.”

We meet again by the pool, where everyone is gathered. We discuss how we usually meet people.

“Whenever I want some company I just have to go down in my DMs, weed out the arseholes who send dick pics or the ones who live too far away and that’s it. Generally that leaves a few half-decent guys to choose from,” says Sara.

“Must be cool being famous!” chimes Chelsea.

“When it comes to one night stands it’s fucking awesome, when it comes to relationships… the less said the better.”

Sara shrugs, but her eyes betray her disappointment in her inability to form meaningful relationships. I have never really thought about that and I can’t even picture what it must be like for her.

Elijah’s phone rings: it’s a Villa vs Casa challenge. Whichever finishes all the tasks ahead first will win a party for tonight. We get ready for it and wait for the instructions.

Marisol, the shortest girl, kisses Graham, the tallest lad, Chelsea kisses Elijah underwater, Priya, the oldest girl, demonstrates five sex positions with Felix, the youngest boy, Kassam gives Lottie the most awkward lap dance I’ve ever seen.

This time it’s my phone beeping: I have to kiss someone for thirty seconds. Everyone’s staring at me and my mind races.

My eyes meet with Sara’s. She looks both expectant and nervous.

I avert my gaze from her, then I go to Priya and place my lips on hers. I don’t even open my mouth, it’s just a peck, a long, long peck on the lips.

I’ve chosen Priya because I deemed her the most mature, she would understand why I did this. She won’t get ideas about it, this is just a game and it means absolutely nothing.

I thought it was pretty clear, but when the thirty seconds finally come to an end and I take a step back, I see flabbergasted faces looking at me like I just stabbed someone in the eye.

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I have no idea how to explain this in a few words. Sara is looking at her nails trying her hardest to look unbothered, but it’s clear that she’s hurt. The worst part of me is satisfied to see her hurt and jealous, because that means she cares, even though she doesn’t want to show it. The rest of me wants to go to her and explain, to mend what I damaged. I take a step towards her, but Arjun grabs my arm and pulls me back.

“The challenge isn’t finished yet. I have to give one of you a piggyback ride!”

I stand back and start staring at the ground, spacing out from the challenge. I thought it was obvious… But she’s a reasonable person, she’ll understand when I explain this to her… right?

Someone taps my shoulder.

“Listen, I don’t want to do this either, but we kinda have to…”

Hope says this while staring horrified at Marisol enjoying an intimate moment with Graham’s big toe.

“Fine.” 

We position ourselves on the ground and we both barely give a light bite to each other’s feet. Sara is doing the same to Chelsea’s toe.

Finally, Priya drags Felix into the cupboard and we’re stuck outside exercising.

As soon as we finish all of the instructions, everyone rushes inside to fetch Priya and Felix except for me, Sara, Kassam and Lottie.

Sara is still avoiding my gaze, but now that the challenge is finished I absolutely have to explain.

I approach her and she’s forced to look at me for the first time: I sit beside her on the lounger. Her big expressive eyes are not helping her to conceal her emotions. She looks confused but also angry.

I grab her wrist, but she shakes my hand off immediately.

“I have to explain-”

“There’s nothing to explain. What would you have to explain?”

She’s trying a little too hard to sound unbothered.

I give Lottie a meaningful look and she takes Kassam inside to leave us alone.

“I have to explain why I kissed Priya instead of you for the challenge.”

“But I don’t-”

“I’ve been open since the beginning about being interested in you and you would have all the reasons in the world to be puzzled on why I didn’t kiss you when I had the chance.”

She is silently staring at me but her eyes seem to have softened up just a little. I’m just trying to make as much sense as possible.

“If I get to kiss you I don’t want it to be just a game or a challenge. I don’t want you to feel forced into it, I don’t want to be told where, when and how long to do it. I want it to happen if, when and how we please.”

She studies my face for a few seconds of complete silence. The hostility on her face is all but gone.

“I didn’t know that’s how you feel about me,” she replies, “So you’re saying that you do want to kiss me, huh?”

A smug little smirk appears on her lips.

“You’re a little devil, you know?”

“Nah, I’m just a big cat who likes to play with her prey.”

She lazily paws at my arm, dragging her nails lightly on my skin.

“Was I a fine hunt?” I ask.

“An interesting one for sure.”

She’s inching closer and our knees touch.

“What about now? Would you want to kiss me now?” she says, softly.

I place my hands on her cheeks and lean in, but stop myself short of touching her lips.

“It depends: do you want me to?”

She grabs the back of my neck with both hands and pulls me towards her.

We crash together and the pent up intensity washes over us like pouring rain. I don’t even mind that her fingers are running through my hair. While our tongues dance together, my hands slide down her face to her neck and then her collarbones; I trace them with my fingertips towards her shoulders and then I wrap my arms around her. Her chest is warm and soft against mine and it turns me on a little too much.

I pull back a little and catch my breath. Wow.

A loud cheering catches our attention from above. We both look up to the terrace and we see the entire population of Casa Amor who has been spectating from there.

A sudden warmth flushes my face and I know I’m red as a tomato.

Sara playfully flips them all off with one hand, while the other is resting on mine on the lounger.

I see her eyes flicker down. Too late I cross my legs and my cheeks start burning even more; I casually start playing with my hair, covering my face.

Luckily the others come pouring out and Chelsea announces our victory against the Villa.

Sara jumps up and pumps her fist in the air, then she dances away to Casa and disappears through the door.

I’m still in a little bit of a predicament… Maybe a good soak will fix it, my hair already needs some fixing so I might as well swim for a few minutes.

I have never been good at figuring people out. Like, why does Felix lie on easily refutable things? How did a smart woman like Marisol fall for Rocco?

But I guess the one I least understand would be Sara: on a surface level we are alike, we let our heads lead us through life rather than impulsively follow our instincts. We seem in sync when the topic of discussion is not us, but when it comes to being honest about what we want she just can’t. Sometimes, I’ve learned in the past, being honest isn’t the best thing to do, but you just can’t hide behind layers of sarcasm and power plays like that. 

She is clearly interested but trying her hardest not to show it… I wonder why she does that.

I dive deep one last time until I emerge near the ladder with a gasp. Time to get ready.


	5. It’s a Wonderful Struggle Against Entropy

Finally my hair looks decent again.

I put on my shoes and I’m ready for the night.

Sara and I barely have time to smile at each other before being sucked in the conversation. When it finally dies down and we split in little groups: I notice no one is at the swing bed.

I take an unopened bottle and lock eyes with Sara.

“Wanna hang at the swing bed?”

Sara just nods and follows me.

We sit on the swing bed and I start struggling with the cork. This bottle really doesn’t want to open, maybe that’s why it’s still untouched.

After a while it gets really embarrassing: I keep struggling and Sara just looks at the bottle in a deeply focused manner.

“Isn’t it weird how life just goes against the rules of the universe?”

That question is so out of nowhere that it takes a while for my brain to process it.

“What do you mean?”

“The second law of thermodynamics states that entropy in an isolated system always increases or stays the same, right? Life is basically constantly going against that, because organisms have to reduce their internal levels of entropy to stay alive. In the end death is what makes more sense from the physics standpoint.”

I stare at the bottle for a while as I think about what she said.

“That’s true. In the end, life is just a struggle against entropy,” I say.

“Yeah! Isn’t that sort of romantic? A struggle against entropy, cells fighting chaos and creating order.”

“You know that actually the second law is not always true for small systems?”

Sara tilts her head with a puzzled face.

“I sometimes dabble in nanotechnology and in very small systems there’s actually a small chance of entropy actually decreasing. It’s actually incredibly fascinating.” I explain.

The conversation goes on for a while until we both fall silent.

“How did we start talking about entropy?” I ask suddenly.

“I don’t know, I have a pretty hyperactive mind and l started thinking about physics while you were trying to open that bottle. You know, friction, levers, muscles, cells… that kind of stuff.”

“Right… I actually wanted to talk about, well, us.”

Sara’s jaw slightly clenches.

“What about us?”

“I mean…” my cheeks burn up, “we kissed, didn’t we? I was just wondering where your head is at.”

“I just wanted to kiss you. Where is my head supposed to be at?”

That is not an answer I was expecting and it doesn’t really clarify anything.

“That is… obvious? What I was asking is if you have any feelings for me and what kind of feelings they are. I…” I look away, take a deep breath and then look back at her, “I like you, quite a lot. Watching you on the show wasn’t even half as nice as actually being here with you.”

Sara falls silent for a minute and I’m left here ready to jump out of my skin.

“I… I don’t know. I’m not good at describing what I feel. Let’s just say that I… like talking to you, these conversations about important stuff are exactly what I was missing.”

That was not the answer I was hoping for. I have to remember that she has only known me since yesterday. Maybe it wasn’t fair of me to put her on the spot like this so early. But her behaviour is so confusing that it actually got me irritated.

“Let’s have more of those then!” I answer with a smile.

“And I demand a rematch. Not now, though, tomorrow morning.”

“Deal!”

I smirk at her but I’m still a little antsy. That kiss was really something and the way she looked after I kissed Priya… There’s obviously something there, but she can’t just say it. I wasn’t expecting a serenade, but she could have just said that she was interested.

Her hand reaches for my hair, but I dodge it.

“Oh no, don’t touch my hair please, it takes me ages to get it to look like this.”

Her face looks slightly pissed. Was she trying to be affectionate? What’s the point if she can’t just be honest?

We go to bed a little later, but this time she’s facing away from me, so I just turn my back to her and think back to all the motions we went through today. I hope tomorrow will be a little more… consistent? I’d be fine with less high highes if the lows aren’t as low.


	6. How To Train Your Patience

“Ok, and this is…”

“That’s the bishop, it moves diagonally.”

“And there’s two of them?”

“Yes, one will be stuck on the white squares and the other on the black ones.”

“Of course, because moving diagonally doesn’t let them move from white to black, I get it.”

“One of these days I’ll teach you if you want.”

I open my eyes and turn over. Sara is sitting with her legs crossed and my chessboard is in her hand, while Marisol is standing beside the bed and inspecting the pieces.

“That’s my chessboard, if you want to keep using it you’ll have to bring me back to the villa, you know?”

She and Marisol turn their eyes to me. Sara sticks her tongue out at me and then turns back to Marisol.

“Oh, nevermind, sorry, we’ll have to wait till we go home.”

I poke Sara’s leg with my finger and she puts the chessboard on the nightstand. Marisol smirks at us and leaves.

“Can I touch your hair now?” says Sara.

My hand unconsciously shoots up as if to confirm just how messy it is.

“Of course you can!”

“I should take advantage of that then.”

She straddles me and leans over with her elbows on each side of my head and both hands tangled into my hair.

She moans softly while she watches her fingers slither all over my head.

I put my hands on her waist: her eyes jolt down to my lips and then back up to my eyes.

Her hands force my head to tilt to the side, exposing my neck: she lowers herself down on me and places quick little kisses up and down from my shoulder to my ear.

I move my hands down to her hips and then down to the side of her thighs. I pull her legs from the back of her knees and she slides down on me. She lets out a muffled moan when she feels how hard I am.

She stops kissing my neck. Was that too far?

Apparently it wasn’t, because she starts grinding back and forth against me. I close my eyes and clench her thighs with my hands.

Her right hand disentangles itself out of my hair and grabs my left wrist, guiding it up her body. I open my eyes and see her big brown eyes filled with desire. She puts her palm on the back of my hand and pushes it on her breast, squeezing both hard.

I moan and she crashes into my lips. Her movements get faster and her tongue desperately flails about with mine.

My hand squeezed between hers and her breast, the taste of her mouth, her erratic hip thrusts… it’s too much.

With a loud groan against her lips I release. She keeps going through it until she unravels a few instants later.

While we’re both left panting I start wondering: if this is what it feels like with our clothes on I can only imagine how intense it would be to actually do it properly.

“Well, that was… wow.” I say, as soon as my breathing goes down to acceptable levels.

She’s still breathing fast, laying on my chest with her chin on my shoulder. I can’t see her face and she doesn’t say anything.

After a while she lightly slaps my chest.

“Let’s play.”

“Shouldn’t we… clean ourselves up first? I mean…”

I really need to change my underwear.

“I want to play now.” she says.

Is she trying to humiliate me? It’s already embarrassing as it is.

“No. I need a shower right now, we can play later.”

She stares at me coldly as I leave the bedroom.

I rinse my underwear before throwing it in the laundry bin and then step into the shower.

I don’t know what’s wrong with Sara. Her behaviour is so erratic I can’t figure her out to save my life; I thought I had at least a grasp on who she is, but maybe I’ve got it all wrong.

You know what? No, actually, I didn’t get it all wrong.  _ She’s never behaved like this with any of the other boys. _ It’s either indifference, disdain or friendship, there’s no blurred lines with her. Except for Lucas maybe, now that I really think about it.

And yet she’s more hot and cold than a Katy Perry song. I’m not sure I’m up to the task… I’m not even sure I want this anymore. Maybe another guy can understand why she behaves like this, maybe she needs someone more forceful or more... submissive? Maybe she’s made a mistake in dismissing Felix.

I like her, a lot, when she’s relaxed or concentrated. But when it comes to actually being anywhere close to vulnerability, that’s when I don’t know what to do with her.

I get ready and go back to the bedroom to fetch my water bottle. I didn’t expect Sara to be still in bed, still with my chessboard on her crossed legs. The pieces are all in their starting places, she doesn’t seem to be concocting any strategy. She’s a little slumped forward and caressing the side of the chessboard, deep in thought.

She hasn’t noticed me yet, so I just watch her. She thinks she’s alone, she has no need for walls or masks.

Her high ponytail swings lazily with every little movement of her head. She turns her head sideways and catches me with the corner of her eye.

She turns to the other side and takes a deep breath.

“Do you… want to play now?”

She has never hesitated when speaking before… and she’s still not looking at me.

“Okay.”

I sit on the bed in front of her, crossing my legs.

She raises her eyes at me briefly. Is it just me or they kinda look a little puffy?

They’re back on the board in a flash.

This time she seems to have changed strategy: she takes a few moves to ensure her king is in a strong defensive position. 

She’s learned from her mistake. I wonder if she applies that very same philosophy outside the game.

I’d learn from my mistakes with her, if only I knew what I did wrong.

I study a way to disrupt her defence, but there’s no way I can do it without sacrificing one or two pieces.

After a while I notice something else: her defence is strong, but there’s a lot of pieces involved and she’s clearly not used to playing with such an impediment. 

In the end I manage to scrape a hard earned victory. I expected her to be angry or sad for the second loss in a row, but she’s not.

She smirks at me, but I can see it in her eyes that she’s… grateful? Relieved?

I swear she’s more difficult to read than a philosophy book. 

“Damn you’re smart. I’m gonna go and take a shower. See you later.”

She winks in a playful manner but her eyes still look a little heavy.

Lottie comes running into the bedroom.

“Sara! There’s a video from the Villa!”

Sara raises her eyebrows.

“I don’t care, I’ll watch it later.”

Lottie pouts at Sara as she walks into the bathroom.

“I get it that she doesn’t care about Henrik but… isn’t she curious?”

“She probably is but not enough to change her plans for it… I think?”

“How is it going between you two? I think you’d make a great couple.”

“I have no idea what’s going on in her head. She’s been sending me… mixed signals.”

“Really? She’s been pretty straightforward until now…”

“Yeah, that’s what throws me off the most. I don’t understand how she feels about me.”

Lottie frowns at me in empathy.

“For what it’s worth, she has no one to stay loyal to, so she will probably switch.”

I take a deep breath. Right now I’m a little scared of this whirlwind of emotions, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I go to the terrace and find Hope alone. She’s curled up in a ball on one of the loungers, hugging her knees and staring into the distance. She turns to me and simply says,

“Hey.”

“Hey.” I reply, sitting on a chair.

“Are you ok? You don’t look ok.” She says.

“I could say the same for you. Want to talk about it?”

She takes a deep breath.

“I’m worried I might have lost Noah forever.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I’ve been a bitch to him. I treated him like shit. It’s not really just Priya’s fault, we’ve been having problems since before that.”

“You mean the hoodie fight?”

“Yeah, that was the first big thing. That’s me, I push people away.”

“Why do you do that?”

Maybe in her answer I can find something to help me solve that riddle called Sara.

“I honestly have no idea.”

So much for that then…

“I guess I’m just scared. It’s difficult to… need someone. It feels like a loss of control. It’s like your happiness is not in your own hands alone anymore.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be, like, a relief? You’re not alone to face the world anymore.”

“It’s both things. It’s a relief and a scary thing. I guess that’s why love is so complicated?”

She extends her long dark legs and leans back on the lounger.

“It’s your turn now. What’s going on?” she says.

“I don’t know what I did wrong. One moment she seems interested, the next she’s pushing me away.”

“She is interested but she doesn’t want to show it. That’s easy.”

Easy?  _ Easy?!? _

“But why?”

“That’s for you to find out, I know nothing more than you do.”

We fall silent for a while, then she stands up.

“Thank you, Carl. Talking to you has been of great help!”

She smiles at me softly.

“But I’ve done nothing but ask questions!”

“Well, they were the right questions to ask then.”

She leaves and I’m alone once again.  _ She is interested but she doesn’t want to show it _ . Why doesn’t she want to show it? How are you supposed to connect with someone if you can’t be honest about your feelings?


	7. Please Don’t Stop The Silence

I sit on the swing bed. I wonder why this place isn’t more popular than it is… secluded, romantic, comfortable. Perfect for a couple seeking some alone time.

It’s also weirdly perfect for being alone, period. Sometimes being at a party can get overwhelming for me. I just need to recharge for a moment.

I lay down to look at the leaves above the bed. The party keeps going without me, but it’s fine, I don’t really mind.

“Wouldn’t you believe these new generations, hogging all of the seats.”

I jolt up at Sara’s voice. She is shaking her head with a playful grin.

“Oi! I’m older than you!”

“Details.”

She sits where my head was a few moments ago and she pats her hand on her lap.

I lay back down and look up at her. Her fingertips lightly brush the top of my head but then they jerk back as if they’d been burned on a hot stove.

I look up at her, she’s thinning her lips. Her hand settles on playing with her own bracelet. 

“Why did you leave the party?” She asks.

“I sometimes get a little overwhelmed when there’s too many people and when that happens it’s best if I take a little break from everyone.”

She nods knowingly.

“It happens to me too.”

We fall in a weirdly comfortable silence. She looks deep in thought but calm. She absentmindedly starts stroking my hair but I let her do it. After a while she realizes what she’s doing and stops.

“It’s ok, you can do it.”

“But won’t it mess your hair up?”

“Yes, but it’s fine.”

Relationships involve some loss of control, as Hope wisely said. It seems easier for Sara expressing affection with gestures rather than with words. This is a compromise I’m willing to make if it helps us get closer.

“I thought I loved talking to you but, turns out, I love being with you even when we’re in complete silence.” I say.

“Since when have you become a complete melt?” She says, smiling to herself.

“I’m not a melt, I’m just being honest. Not everyone can just sit in silence. Some people would have thought that I needed to be dragged back to the party, no matter how much I’d kick and scream, other people would have just left me alone. You sat here with me, respecting my need to take a break from socialisation. That’s not something everyone understands.”

“I like your honesty. A lot of people don’t practise what they preach, but you do.”

“So you’re saying that you like things about me, but you don’t know how you feel about me in general?”

“Basically, yes. I know that it doesn’t make much sense but that’s how it is.”

“Thank you for the honesty then.”

I’ll consider this progress.

“I think I’ll make a list of pros and cons. You know, to decide if I want to switch or not.”

“That is always a wise thing to do.”

“There is one important piece of data that I still need to gather.”

“Can I help you with that?”

“Oh, yes, I think this is something that only you can help me with. Come with me, I’m gonna fetch my lab coat.”

I have no idea what she’s referring to, but I follow her to the bedroom: she doesn’t turn the lights on when she enters, seeming content with the dim moonlight dripping from the window.

She picks a condom from the basket.

“T-that doesn’t look like a l-lab coat.” I say, thanking the darkness for hiding my cheeks which must be  _ very  _ flushed right now.

“Well, this is a kind of coat, isn’t it? And I’m conducting an experiment, so the bedroom is technically my current laboratory. That’s why this is my lab coat.”

“No, that’s  _ my _ lab coat, I’ll be the one to wear it.”

She narrows her eyes: I can almost hear the gears turning in her brain while she tries to find a decent rebuttal.

“Ugh, fine.” She finally gives up.

I sit on the bed and remove my jacket.

“So, what does this experiment consist of?”

“It’s quite easy, Mr… wait, what’s your surname?”

“O’Sullivan. What about yours?”

“Ferrari. Yes, like the car, no relation.”

We fall silent for a second.

“What were we talking about?” she asks.

“Uhm… I don’t remember. Data collection?”

“Who gives a fuck?”

She straddles me and we start kissing each other deeply. She tugs at her hair tie and her long black locks fall on her shoulders.

I trail down her neck to her chest. I lean forward to push her centre of gravity off the base: I support her with my hands on her back, but she grabs my head firmly with her arms, burying my face between her breasts.

She squeals a little and I lean back to let her sit normally on my lap.

“I’m not the only one who has to give up some control, dearie.”

“Oh really? ‘Cause you can handle being in control?”

“You’d be surprised.”

I lift her up and put her on the bed; I press my hips between her legs, drawing a moan out of her. I push her dress up and her panties down.

I put two fingers in my mouth to get them wet but I don’t break eye contact. Her big brown eyes have proven their status as the weak spot of her ironclad defences. I want to pierce into them to grasp just how much she wants me.

I reach down between her legs. I lightly tread my fingertips on the sensitive skin around her opening. She opens her mouth slightly, letting out heavy breaths. Everytime I brush past her clit she tenses up beneath me. She looks down.

“If you want me to go on you’ll have to look me in the eyes. Everytime you break eye contact I’ll stop.”

She rolls her eyes and I stop. When she finally reluctantly locks eyes with me again I slide my fingers inside her.

She gasps but she sustains my gaze.

I move my fingers back and forth, faster and faster.

“Want more?”

She nods, so I unbuckle my belt and pull my trousers and boxers down. 

She scans the bed with her hands to find the condom lost between the ruffled sheets without breaking eye contact. She finds it, rips the wrapper off and reaches down.

She grabs a hold of me and unrolls the ‘lab coat’ over my length without looking.

I give one last push with my fingers, drawing a groan from her lips.

I place the tip of my shaft on her entrance and then put both of my hands on her hips.

I slowly push forward. She opens her mouth and then bites her lip.

God, this is so hot.

When I reach the cervix, she winces a little.

“Does it hurt?”

Being... well,  _ above average _ , I have to pay attention to this. She is soaked, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t hurt.

She shakes her head, but she’s still biting her lower lip.

“You sure?”

“Just a little, but that’s good. I like it.”

Her voice is so low and raspy right now. This time I’m the one who has to look away.

“Hey, you looked away! It’s not fair.”

“You don’t want me to cum right now, do you?” I growl.

She rolls her eyes at me again. I give a second thrust, this time faster but just as deep: she squeals and bites her lip again. 

“Don’t you dare stop now.”

I happily oblige and start pumping at a steady pace. She reaches between her back and the bed to unhook her bra. She takes it off and then she pushes down the straps of her dress revealing her breasts.

She suggestively taps on her nipple with her finger. I lower myself down on my right elbow, just above it and flick my tongue on it. Her hand clenches my arm and in her eyes I see something wild and primal. I see pure unadulterated lust and need for release.

I circle my tongue around the hard, red bud: then, after a while, I just place my lips around it and suck hard. She throws her head back, but now it’s ok.

I don’t need to peep through a hole anymore, the fucking wall came down. Her whole body is expressing nothing but desire, her hands desperately grabbing my arms, her chest squirming under my lips, her legs wrapped around my hips and her muscles clenching around my hard cock.

It’s too much and I can barely restrain myself from cumming before her.

She lets out a long, high pitched moan and that’s it, I black out.

I crush down on her, panting hard and twitching inside of her, riding the last seconds of pure bliss.

“Hate to say this, but I think sex will go on the ‘pro’ column.”

My head feels a thousand times heavier than usual, but I lift it off her chest and grin at her, pretty satisfied with myself.

“Shower?” I ask.

“Shower.”

I stand right away and watch her still sprawled on the bed, her hair ruffled beneath her and her dress still exposing her breasts.

She sits on the edge of the bed with an unreadable expression on her face. She looks up at me as if to look for something on my face.

I wonder what’s going on behind those inquisitive eyes. I want to give her whatever she’s looking for. She has clearly been hurt in the past, that’s the only reason I can think of for why she has so many walls around her.

She tries to stand up, but she crashes back down on the bed.

“Pota!”

I can’t help a chuckle.

“You ok?” I ask her.

“Oof, my legs are still a little weak, I didn’t expect that.”

She chuckles with me.

“Well, that was objectively the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” I say.

She sighs and leans back on her elbows.

I take off my drenched shirt and throw it on her.

“Wha- Hey!” She protests as I pick her up from the bed to carry her to the bathroom.

She buries her face in the crook of my neck and throws her arms over my shoulders.

As I walk through the door I hear a bump followed by a whimper of pain.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, are you ok?”

I put her down and try to inspect her head, it must have bumped on the door frame.

“Oww. I’ll be fine. Just… pay attention next time, this is a national treasure.” She says, pointing at her head.

She is joking because she doesn’t want me to feel bad about this, I think. I still don’t fully get what her deal is.

She massages her head for a moment, while I get rid of the used condom.

We throw our clothes in the laundry bin and get in the shower together.

“I have never showered with someone else before.” I say, incapable to restrain myself from looking up and down her naked body.

“Me neither. I guess this only really happens in movies? Like, ok, you can clean my back, my boobs and whatever, but am I supposed to wash my buttcrack in front of you?”

I snort at the thought.

“Well, that’s unavoidable. Let’s just get clean, I feel sweaty all over.”

I turn my back to her to wash my hair. Suddenly her fingers attack my sides with unforeseen savagery; I instinctively arch my back and clamp her hands with my elbows to avoid the worst. I squirm wildly to get rid of her hands and lose my balance.

My arms spin wildly trying to not fall on the ground and I smack the side of my hand on the wall.

“Oh shit, I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive!”

“You do not  _ ever  _ tickle people on a slippery surface! Honestly…”

She’s frowning at me.

“Guess your revenge came earlier than I expected. How’s your head?”

She reaches up with her hand.

“Still hurts a little bit, nothing too bad though. Let me see your hand.”

I give her my hand: it looks fine to me and it doesn’t really hurt much.

“Does it hurt?” She asks.

“It would hurt less if you gave me a kiss.”

“On the hand?”

“No, on the lips.”

She takes my face in her hands and kisses me sweetly.

“That better?” She asks when we part.

I smile at her and nod.


	8. Losing Me, Losing You

I wake up with Sara in my arms. She’s warm and soft and her hair still smells like shampoo.

I close my eyes to figure out if what I think happened really happened or if it was just a dream.

I remember putting my jacket on the nightstand and… sure enough, it’s still there.

So we did actually have sex. I look at my hand and there’s a blue bruise on the base of the pinky.

Right, the shower.

I think of the girl I used to watch on the telly and on Youtube. That’s the same person that I have right here in my arms, but it’s still difficult for me to think of these two as the same person.

That one playing Breath of the Wild in front of a camera is QueSaraSara, the Youtube gamer who got on a reality show. This one is a smart, funny, weird and difficult girl who’s just looking for some peace of mind.

I’m not going to say she’s special. She’s just a human being like everyone else, with perks and flaws. Just a human being I feel drawn to.

It sometimes feels like I’m on an unsafe roller coaster with her, but I hope that we can find a balance. Today is the day she’s going to make a choice; I hope this is not the last time I get to wake with her in my arms.

I close my eyes and breathe in, filling my lungs with her scent.

“Are you sniffing me?” she asks sardonically.

“Yes.”

“Oh ok. That’s completely normal.”

“It is! Your hair smells like shampoo!”

“I wasn’t joking. I don’t think sniffing people is as weird as people think. Unless you’re like... a stranger on a bus.”

“That’s good to know.”

I bury my nose in the crook of her neck and blow hair from my nostrils.

She squirms and squeals, but I tighten my grip on her and start kissing her neck and shoulder instead. I want to enjoy every single minute from now until she makes her decision.

“Calm your tits, Irish boy, what’s up with you?” She asks, giggling all the way through.

“I don’t know how much time with you I have left, so I’m going to make the most of it.”

A phone goes off and Priya announces to the whole bedroom that we guys are making brunch for the girls this morning.

We go to get ready; in the changing room there’s six outfits. If you can call them outfits.

I sit down in front of the one that has a card with my name on it.

There’s a collar, white cuffs and the tiniest speedo I’ve ever seen. That’s it. Oh boy. Well, at least this will fit perfectly with the weather.

When the girls finally come out, we’re all standing at our table: except for Hope, the girls all look pleasantly surprised by our peculiar outfits. Most of them are giggling between themselves. Sara is nodding like a snobby art critic.

The girls will now choose the boy they want to eat with. Marisol’s the first to sit at Graham’s table, soon followed by the others. Sara sits at my table without hesitating. I guess it’s pointless by now to pretend she has interest in any of the other guys. After all she hasn’t had sex with any of the other guys. That I know of, of course.

“Nice outfits. Objectifying, but nice.”

“You think? I’m just glad I have the least possible amount of stuff on in this heat.”

“They are quite revealing, too bad I’ve already seen everything there is to see.”

“Too bad? I quite enjoyed our little encounter yesterday night.”

“Fair enough. Well I’m starving. Is there anything I can put in my mouth?”

“Uhmm.”

My brain gets quickly filled by images that are not very appropriate for the situation.

She stands up and comes over to whisper in my ear.

“Except for your huge shlong of course.”

I cross my legs and hang my head. My face must be so red right now. I lightly scratch the top of my head to hide the blushing mess that used to be my face.

She did it on purpose!

I cover my cheeks with my hands and lean on the table with my elbows to look as natural as possible.

I frown at her as she comes back with a plate full of food.

“Did you want something?”

Is she suggesting that I have to get up in this state to get food for myself?

I squint at her angrily.

“Just kidding, there’s plenty for both.”

She wasn’t kidding. She just backpedaled when she saw that I wasn’t enjoying this. Is this growth I see? 

I take some toast and eat it.

“Do you work with AI?”

Her question is so out of the blue that I raise my eyebrows at her. It’s a welcome change of topic though.

“Yes, of course.”

“Even with self-learning AI?”

“Those are my favourites.”

“If it’s true that they can occasionally pick up random stuff, that means that the more we use them, the bigger the chance that one of them might pick up something that’s beneficial for them but detrimental for humans.”

“That’s… an interesting concern. I’m not sure that’s possible but it might be! I have to discuss this with my colleagues… how do you come up with these things?”

“It’s some kind of free association I tend to do when I’m bored. I was listening to the crickets chirping before and I thought how they are actually just screaming desperately to attract a mate. These weird things are products of natural selection; random chance creates or modifies traits and if they work they are passed down the generations. In a way this can be applied to AI too, in a roundabout way.”

“That’s interesting. And to think you’re a Youtube gamer.”

She glares at me.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Her sudden shift of tone makes me jump up a little. I stumble to find words to explain.

“Nothing, I… I didn’t- I mean that a brain like yours is kind of wasted in such a career, isn’t it?”

“This kind of brain is one that really doesn’t like being told what to do. The way it works is not really suited for structured learning, I tend to pick up only certain information and discard the rest, which is not really academically viable.”

There’s venom in her words, but it’s not directed at me. She’s angry at  _ herself _ . This is something she doesn’t accept about herself, even though she has found a way around it.

This is just the way she opens up, I think. It’s obvious that there’s something affecting her, but she’s very clear in communicating that she doesn’t need and doesn’t want help. It’s not just a pose, it’s just the way she deals with pain and trauma.

“I have never had such problems… but I can see why they can get in the way of the traditional learning model. Now that I think about it, maybe your brain is actually perfectly suited for your career: being entertaining is not something everybody can do. Even without a console in your hands you’re still incredibly fascinating to watch and listen. I haven’t yet understood you fully.”

“There’s plenty of time.”

“So you’re planning to switch?” I ask, trying not to sound too desperate. Needless to say, I fail miserably.

“I mean here, we have the whole morning.”

She winks at me. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Can’t she just tell me if she will or not?

My eyes move sideways when I catch Felix kneeling in front of Priya. Oh no.

“Oh no.” Says Sara when she turns around, perfectly voicing my thoughts.

Felix ends up with a tart squashed on his face, but it’s all in good fun.

Priya gets a text.

“Girls, your stay at Casa Amor is over. It’s time to head back to the Villa.”

Sara sends me one of her trademark undecipherable looks. 

“Looks like we don’t have the whole morning after all.” I say, resigned.

“I thought we’d stay here until the stick or switch ceremony.”

I take a deep breath.

“See you later, Sara.”

She gives me one long stare before turning her back at me and following the other girls.


	9. Sticks And Switches May Break My Bones

We Casa Boys are asked to sit on the bench of the fire pit. It’s our first time seeing the Villa and might as well be our last. The girls come in, standing opposite to us. Hope goes first and, to the shock of absolutely no one, she sticks. Marisol picks Graham and Sara’s next.

It’s the moment of truth. Her face is as unreadable as it’s ever been, standing there under the spotlight. But I think I might have a rough idea of what’s going on in her head.

She doesn’t want to admit that she cares. She didn’t do it when they were discussing voting Lucas for the least dateable and now she’s in the same position. Did she learn from her mistakes?

Her turn comes and she steps forward.

“I’ve thought about this, because thinking is what I do best. But I couldn’t find a logical reason to either stick or switch. Of course, switching seems the safest option, but this isn’t chess. The rules aren’t written in stone and anything can happen. Maybe the people who switch are the ones that end up in danger. That’s how I found out that this isn’t a decision I can make with my head.”

She pauses for a second to take a deep breath. She’s standing even more straight than usual, almost stretching her neck to compensate for the moment of what she perceives as weakness.

“The decision chalked up to whether I want this guy around or not.”

She is almost quoting me word by word, but her gaze is wandering to everyone but me.

“I choose to switch.”

She hasn’t said who she’s gonna switch to, but it’s pretty clear who she’ll pick and I can’t help a big smile.

She looks at me, winces a little bit and frowns. What’s wrong? Is she not switching to me?

“The boy I want to switch to is… Carl.”

I let out a big sigh of relief, I almost bricked myself right there. I smile encouragingly at her as I walk to her, but she doesn’t return it. I don’t understand what’s happening.

I can’t bring myself to focus on the ceremony. I get that she is not the kind of person who likes showing interest, but she was doing just fine until I smiled at her. At that moment I thought she was going to switch to someone else out of the blue, but she went ahead and still chose me. Why did she react that way?

I swear, she’s gonna drive me crazy. Not in a good way, though.

The ceremony ends, me and Graham say goodbye to the other Casa lads and it’s time to find out about the Villa guys.

Noah and Jakub both come back single. Ibrahim is with Shannon, a fellow Dubliner. Gary stuck with Chelsea, Bobby is hand in hand with a petite girl named Emily. Henrik is last and he’s alone. He frowns at Sara when he spots me sitting beside her.

“I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not, I’m sure you won’t be dumped.” Says Sara.

I’m almost tempted to tell him to keep her. I’m beyond frustrated.

I can’t take this. Too many people, too many conversations going on at the same time, too many thoughts buzzing through my head. I need some time alone.

There’s no hanging bed here, I don’t know where to run off to. Guess the roof terrace will do.

I sit in the moonlight and close my eyes. I can hear the chit chat, but I can’t make out what any of them are talking about. I take a few deep breaths and clear my head for a while and then I open my eyes.

“I thought you were asleep.”

I jump up from the bench and see Sara sitting next to where I was just a second ago.

I turn away in frustration.

“I want to be alone.” I say bitterly, rubbing my forehead.

“I’ll stay silent.” She replies.

“It’s you I need space from.”

She looks down at her knees.

“Will you please leave? I’d leave myself, but I don’t know where to go.” I add.

She looks up at me.

“What, now that you’ve made it in the Villa you can just dump me?” she says standing up, her voice slightly raised and sharp.

“Cut the crap, Sara! You’ve been keeping me at an arm’s length since the very start! You’re a smart girl, I know you can figure out why I’m so done with your mind games!”

I want to say that I still care about her, that I would not be mad if she would just be honest about her feelings, whatever they are.

I know this is petty, but I’m done being reasonable. I’m done being the only mature adult in this… couple? This isn’t even a couple, this is just me chasing pavement.

She’s driven me to the point that I don’t want to waste my honesty on her.

Two tears of unadulterated frustration trail down my distorted face.

She’s so still that I’m not even sure she’s breathing anymore. She ever so slightly wobbles side to side and takes off.

I wipe my face with the back of my hand and lay down and just fall asleep there, on the bench.


	10. But Your Mind Games Will Never Hurt Me (again)

I wake up with a blanket on me that I don’t remember ever bringing here. Someone must have covered me after I fell asleep.

I’d like to think that it was Sara: she realised how much of an arse she’s been and came crying to take care of the person she likes. But I’m not that naive.

I trudge to the bedroom: it’s still dark in here. I enter the bathroom and take a shower. When I’m done and ready for the day ahead I go to the kitchen. I didn’t expect to find anyone up already, but I immediately recognise Bobby’s freckled shoulders.

He turns around and smiles at me.

“Hey, uhm... Cody?”

“Carl. Making breakfast?”

“Yeah! Do you like pancakes?”

“Of course, who doesn’t like pancakes?”

His thick Glaswegian accent makes him so distinctive and likeable, I remember him being one of the public’s favourites. I wonder how things have changed since they introduced Casa Amor.

“Are you… ok? Yesterday you vanished and then…”

He trails off. He’s probably referring to Sara running away from the terrace.

“I’m… not. It’s just so fucking bananas.”

“I thought you were on good terms, why would she have brought you back otherwise?”

“I wish it were that simple… Listen to this; at the ceremony, when she said she’d switch I smiled, because I figured she would pick me. When she saw me smiling she frowned!”

“That’s weird, but...”

I just pour out all of the worst stuff on him.

“So, every time she’d be the one to come back to you?”

“Yes.”

“And she would ask you to play chess or try to talk to you.”

“Yes, those are the things we bonded over.”

“So she was trying to reach you without officially committing.”

I fiddle with my own fingers.

“Yes. I think.”

Silence falls.

“The day the girls left for Casa Amor she woke me up you know? And she told me to stop being daft and go for what I really want. I’m not sure I would have brought back Emily if she hadn’t encouraged me. And yet she can’t even follow her own advice.”

He shakes his head.

“Stupid lass. If she brought you back it means that she likes you.”

“I know...but these walls she has… I want to understand why she feels she needs to hide her feelings, why she can’t be vulnerable with me. I’ve been nothing but honest with her.”

Bobby looks at me with a sympathetic frown.

“I don’t know how I can help you.”

“Don’t worry, Bobby, you already helped enough. I appreciated this.”

I nod at him.

“Oh, last thing. Do you know who covered me with a blanket?”

“Hope did. She saw Sara storm out the roof terrace, she saw you were asleep and she got a blanket to cover you.”

So long for a crying Sara, I guess.

“How’re things going with Emily by the way?”

His cheeks turn slightly red.

“She likes me a lot, but we’re still kinda… figuring it out.”

I nod knowingly: it does just take time sometimes.

“Pancakes??” Chelsea says as she comes through the door.

“Pancakes!!” she repeats, jumping on the spot.

“Have you seen Sara?” I ask.

“Oh, no darling, I don’t think anyone has seen her since yesterday. I thought she’d be on the daybeds.”

“Thank you, Chelsea.”

“Oh, yesterday I got a text saying that tonight there will be a dumping.”

I choke on my own saliva.

“What?”

“Yes, the public will be voting for the worst couples and they will be dumped.”

I’m actually kind of relieved. Here, with the pressure and all… maybe it would have been easier out of here?

“Well, fuck.”

Sara enters the kitchen, looking quite bad. Her big eyes are puffy and heavy lidded, her mouth unnaturally strained in half a smirk and her hair wildly out of control. 

“Oh, pancakes! You’re the best Bo.”

She grabs a fork and puts two of the pancakes on a plate, keeping her eyes away from me.

“Me and Chels were about to bring everyone breakfast in bed!” Exclaims Bobby.

“Were we?” She asks, only to realise what situation she’s in. “Ah, yes, breakfast in bed, right! I’ll grab the milk.”

Bobby and Chelsea leave the kitchen, leaving us two alone.

“Well, we’re going to be dumped, but at least Bobby’s pancakes are as good as ever.”

I have nothing to say about that, so I just stay silent while she keeps staring in the distance.

I watch her slowly munching down on a pancake. She finally looks at me and her eyes dart down to my right hand, which has a prominent green-ish stain on the base of the pinky.

I self-consciously cover it with my other hand.

“How’s your head?” I ask.

“The bump is fine, it doesn’t even hurt anymore. It’s what’s inside of my head that hurts. I kinda cried myself to sleep last night.”

I perk up. I did not expect that admission and I’m at loss for words. That would explain why her eyes look so puffy.

She pours herself a glass of cold milk and drinks it straight in one big gulp.

“Hydration is key, right? Heh, I love gulping down white liquids.”

She doesn’t even look at me, she just breaks down in a bitter laugh. I’m worried she might start crying, but she manages to keep it together and calms down with one long deep breath.

“As long as we’re still here I want a rematch. Imma take a shower and then we can play.”

I don’t wanna play, I wanna talk, but I think pushing this will only result in her pushing back. And now that I think about it, this fits the pattern Bobby was talking about earlier.

We did bond through chess, at least in part, so it might just be her way to feel closer to me, and it’s a ‘safe’ interaction because she doesn’t have to be vulnerable. 

“Ok, I’ll get the board and wait for you in the living room.”

It’s not much but I’ll call this progress.

When she enters the living room, I’m already there.

She looks better now, she looks and feels less… deranged.

I point to the board, I’ve already made my first move.

She sits down and makes hers too.

We kinda lose ourselves in the game, interrupted only by Hope running past us.

“Eh, we’ll find out later.” Says Sara, dismissing the situation with the wave of a hand, so we keep playing.

“Checkmate!”

I study the pieces on the board and study every possible move I could make to get my king to safety.

“Yeah, you won!”

She jumps up and does a victory lap around the room.

Then she looks at me and bites her lip pensively.

“Come here, sit.” I say.

“I think we’re going home tonight…” She says, sitting down beside me.

“You know what? That would be fine by me.”

She raises her eyebrows at me.

“I mean, we can’t really do anything about this, so we might as well do things at our own pace. I know this is difficult for you, but we really have to talk about, well, us.” I say.

“Is it the end for us?”

She perks up when I shake my head.

“What if we’re dumped tonight? Should we… keep seeing each other? Would you be ok with that?” She asks.

“I… listen, there is one thing that I need you to do. I need you to be honest about your feelings for me. I’ve got nothing but mixed signals from you. I get that you have your own way of showing affection, but I want us to communicate more effectively and to do that I need to talk to you, I don’t want to have to keep trying to interpret everything you do.”

She falls silent for a moment.

“Ok. I can’t promise that I’ll just change in a heartbeat, but I can promise you that I’ll try being more open.”

I can see in her eyes how scared she is. She takes a deep breath.

“You might have noticed that I’ve chosen to switch...”

“Hard to miss.”

“... I said that it chalked up to whether I want you around or not. Well, I want you around. I like to see you, hear your voice, listen to what you have to say. I guess this means that I like you.”

She shrugs as if to add ‘there, I said it.’

I move the chessboard from between us to the table and scooch closer to her, wrapping her in my arms.

She hugs me back, her grasp strong and a little desperate.

I turn to the door and I notice that half the Villa is there, peeping through the door frame.

“I like playing chess with you.” Sara says against my chest, “I like the talks, the silences, the sex-”

My face goes up in flames. I clear my throat to stop her. She disentangles herself from my embrace and she gasps seeing the chuckling islanders.

“You fucking pricks! Get the fuck out of here!”

She has turned red too. They start laughing as they leave and we’re left alone again.

We look at each other’s crimson faces and we both burst out laughing.

The laughter dies down a little later. She’s still a little flustered.

I look around to check that they didn’t come back.

“I like all those things too. I think that we can work on this, in or out of here. 

I notice that she’s still a little fiddly.

“What’s your favourite video game, by the way?” I ask her.

She looks at me, bewildered, but I think the bait I laid is too enticing to resist.

“Breath of the Wild. I think I mentioned it in the Let’s Play.”

“I know, I’ve seen it, but you didn’t explain why.”

She squints at me. I think she knows what I’m doing. She’s stepped outside her comfort zone and It was probably quite scary, so I’m offering her a break. Plus, I enjoy this too.

She gives me an appreciative grin.

“It’s the creativity, you know? In most other games you get these puzzles that you have only one good answer to and some bullshit arbitrary rules. In that game there’s a bunch of different ways to tackle any given task. Some people compare it to Ocarina of Time, but to me there’s no contest really. Yeah, Ocarina’s a classic and the story is told in a more linear fashion, but to me the gameplay is still the most important thing.”

She goes on for a while about the whole Legend of Zelda series. I listen without really giving any input, since I’ve never played any of those games.

It’s just cute to see her being so passionate about a thing she likes. I wish one day she could be like this about me too.


	11. Another Four Bite The Dust

We’re all standing at the fire pit. All the couples are hand in hand, while Lottie and Henrik are sitting on the bench.

A text announces that the least popular couples are about to be revealed

Another text: Hope and Jakub.

Sara’s grip on my hand gets stronger.

Another text: Priya and Noah.

Her grip gets painful, but I don’t say anything.

Last text: Chelsea and Gary.

I wince in pain. Sara looks up at me and realises that she’s hurting me so she leaves my hand.

“We’re… safe?” I ask in disbelief.

She nods and throws her arms around my neck; I put my arm around her waist and lead her to the bench so that we can sit with the other safe couples. I still can’t believe we’re safe.

The two single islanders will decide who to save from the dumping by coupling up with them.

Henrik is first.

“I’d have coupled up with this girl before Casa Amor, but she was already taken. I think we would make a good couple and I’m glad that I now get a chance with her. I want to couple up with Priya.”

Priya tentatively walks to him and hugs him, still a little dazzled. Hope and Chelsea hang their heads: Noah and Gary respectively hug them, while Jakub frowns at Lottie. He probably knows that there’s no chance Lottie will choose him instead of Gary.

“I want to couple up with this lad because… Come on, it’s him, what can I say? I can only save one of you and, sorry Noah and Jakub, but I can only couple up with Gary.”

There are some heartfelt goodbyes and soon enough Hope, Chelsea, Noah and Jakub are in the jeeps.

The atmosphere in the bedroom is pretty grim, but I can’t help basking in how well things are going for me and Sara today. Especially considering where we were 24 hours ago. 

Me and Sara get in bed together. She snuggles up to me and her hand travels down my stomach and starts getting under my pyjamas. 

“No.” I say, grabbing her wrist. “I’m not… ready for that.”

She retracts her hand without saying anything. I hope she understands.

“I can’t believe that we didn’t get voted out.” I whisper. “Last night was a total disaster.”

“Maybe the public really wants to see where this is going. And it’s not like the other couples were perfect matches. Have you ever liked something more for its potential than for what it actually is?”

“Now that I think about it… yes. Do you think we have potential?”

I can’t see her face in the dark since the moonlight is coming from behind her.

“I do.”

I hold her tightly and we eventually fall asleep.


	12. Ten Things I Know About You

After a lazy morning, we have to attend another challenge: we’re given questions about ourselves and our partners have to guess our answers.

The questions are mostly about our past or some specific preferences, like favourite food and stuff like that. I was worried about writing ‘Pizza’ on the blackboard because that sounded too stereotypical. Sadly that was exactly her favourite food and we came in last, tying with Priya and Henrik.

Shannon and Ibrahim have decided to share their prizes. Sara and I take our lollies to the bean bags, where our fellow losers are sulking.

“Well, now it’s a proper pity party.”

Priya throws herself theatrically on one of the bean bags.

“Come on, we’ve been coupled for less than a day, it makes sense that we don’t know much about each other. Ibrahim and Shannon have had much more time than us...”

Priya is slightly shaking her head at Henrik. He trails off and then looks at us two.

“No offense guys.”

Priya cringes visibly.

“None taken.” Says Sara, looking perfectly fine.

I raise one eyebrow at her.

“Yeah, those questions are stupid, there are more important things to know about each other.” She adds.

“I agree. It’s not like there’s anything I can do with those pieces of information. Yeah, your first goldfish’s name was Eustace, now we can get married.”

“Yeah, fuck those questions. I’ll tell you ten things about you that are way more important! One, you like to chew gum. In here, you don’t have gum, but I can see you clenching your jaw in moments when you have no other reason to. Two, you were raised Catholic but, three, now you’re either atheist or agnostic. Four, you can play chess like a champ and you’ve probably been playing since you were a child. Five, you hate it when anyone misplaces your stuff, especially at home or in the office. Six, you’re stubborn as a mule when it comes to relationships and you want everything to go exactly the way you want. Seven, that’s why the relationships you’ve had haven’t lasted long. Eight, you can’t cook. Nine, you understand Irish but can’t speak it fluently and, ten… your nan is from Kerry.”

I find my jaw hanging open and my eyelids blinking stupidly.

Priya has perked up and is watching me intently.

“So? Is she right?” She says, amusedly.

I nod, still staring at Sara. How did she do that??

She smiles smugly at me.

“Well, call me impressed. The last two were easy though, I straight up told you those things,” I say

“Yeah, I was kinda running out of things to guess, so I figured I could say something I knew to be true.”

“Well I can actually make pasta. It’s not much, but I can at least cook something.”

“I bet you overcook it. Y’all overcook pasta here.”

“That’s not  _ al dente _ .” says Henrik.

“Pota, exactly!” Says Sara pointing her finger at him.

“Potta? Y-you need to go to the bathroom?” He replies.

“What? No, why?”

“Do you speak Swedish?”

“Not at all, ‘pota’ is something they say where I was born.”

“Oh, now I get it... nevermind.”

He turns slightly pink and it’s so obvious given his pale skin.

Priya bursts out laughing and then goes to sit on Henrik’s lap.

“You’re so cute!”

She places a cute kiss on his lips and he just beams.

“Guys, I know you can’t get a room but,  _ daaaamn _ ! We’ll leave you to it.”

Sara winks at Priya and she sticks her tongue out.

We sit by the pool, dipping our feet in the water.

“Well, now I want to know ten things you know about me.” says Sara.

“Let me think… One, you know about the chewing gum thing because it’s the same for you and, two, you’ve been playing chess since you were very young too. Three, you’ve been hurt in the past and, four, that’s why you’re so reluctant to show that you care. Five, you actually wanted Lucas to stay, but you couldn’t admit it to the other girls and, six, you know that it’s your fault he went home. Seven, you substitute emotional intimacy with sex. Eight, you’re a feminist. Nine, you’re a cat person. Ten, you came here to gain subscribers rather than to find someone.”

She leans back on her elbows.

“It wasn’t my fault. They voted Lucas out, I voted for Rocco.”

“You should have told them you wanted Lucas to stay, they might have voted for someone else.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Well, shouldn’t you have at least tried?”

“I don’t try when I know that I can’t win.”

“But what did you have to lose? You had Lucas to lose and you just gave him up.”

“Don’t you get it? I hate admitting that I need or want something or someone. I had my stupid fucking pride to protect. What if I grovelled at their feet and then got absolutely nothing?”

“Some things are worth the risk, don’t they?”

“Maybe. Well and, to be fair, gaining subscribers wasn’t my main goal. It’s a perk, of course, but it’s not really what I came here for. I wanted to test myself, to see what kind of person I’d be in a situation like this. Also, I wanted to show everyone that gamers aren’t all just dumb teenagers playing Fortnite, that we can be normal adults and just as dysfunctional as everyone else.”

“You didn’t even consider finding someone?”

“Well, I knew it could happen, but… I didn’t want to be disappointed if it didn’t. What about you, why did you choose to apply?”

“I don’t have much time to date, considering my job and I was feeling quite lonely. Last time I tried having a long term relationship, Despacito wasn’t out yet.”

”Oh boy, that was...2017. Well, what went wrong? It wasn’t a hundred percent perfect?”

I glare at her; this was gratuitous and very wrong.

“She wanted kids and I didn’t.”

Sara flinches guiltily and bites her lip.

“Hm, that’s actually a good reason to break up... Well, it’s a good sign that I don’t want kids either then.”

Woah. That’s quite a long haul plan. We don’t even know if we’ll last until the finale.

Calm down Carl, she’s not proposing. And she’s right, this is a good sign.


	13. Sara’s Lost Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here the POV swithces from Carl to Sara for a few chapters, you'll see why *very* soon

“Checkmate!”

I jerk myself awake. I’m wrapped around Carl.

I dreamed that I was playing chess with him, but we weren’t just the players, we were also on the board as king and queen.

I ran around the board and saw all the other islanders as pieces.

Hope and Chelsea were the rooks, Henrik was the enemy knight, Hannah was one of my own pawns. I saw Shannon as the bishop pointing out a weak spot in the enemy’s defense. I looked back at Carl and he nodded at me. Protected by the Shannon bishop I ran across the chessboard only to find that the enemy king was none other than Lucas. I screamed “Checkmate” and just woke up.

What a weird fucking dream.

I get a text and read it. I have a date?!

That weird ass dream at least woke me up quite effectively.

Carl is still asleep. My god he’s so hot.

A sleepy Gary groans from the other side of the bedroom and a phone lights up the darkness.

“Psst, Gary!” I whisper.

“What?”

“Do you have a date too?”

“Yes! Does your message say who it is?”

“Nope. Unless this is a trick to get us together I’m pretty sure it’s someone new.”

Gary chuckles at the absurdity of us possibly being together. We’re basically polar opposites. Good mate, but not boyfriend material for sure. As for Carl… I hope we can get past all of this, he’s just… so hot for starters. And he’s smart. And he’s, like, emotionally stable in a way I never will be.

I get ready and I can’t picture anyone but Felix. Oh my god, I’m gonna kill myself if there’s an entitled fanboy waiting for me.

I find Gary waiting for the jeeps outside.

“Good luck Crane boy.”

“Break a leg, Pota girl.”

We jump in and I’m whisked to a beautiful vineyard, kind of like my last date with Rahim.

I stride towards the table: at least the guy doesn’t seem to have Felix’s dad bod.

As I get closer and closer, the figure I see gets clearer: this back looks familiar.

He turns around and gives me the sweetest smile: It’s Lucas.

He’s as flawless as I remembered. He’s wearing a white shirt, unbuttoned on his chest, tastefully slutty.

“Lucas!”

Yesterday’s words come back to me. I admitted that I wanted him to stay, that I liked him. Carl and I are supposed to be in a friendship couple for now: he must think that the coast is clear.

Playing hard to get isn’t gonna fly. Oh my god, what will I do?

I’m completely frozen in place.

“Sara?”

I give him a quick hug before sitting at the other side of the table.

Oh my god, I had just dreamed of him. Am I inadvertently absorbing some of Lottie’s bullshit? Well, that would surely be interesting.

I feel vulnerable already.

“Are you happy to see me?” asks Lucas.

“Well, sure I am relieved that you’re not one of my entitled fanboys. I was seriously looking for an escape route or something.”

“That’s not what I asked, though. I asked you if you were happy to see me.”

Fuck. I lower my defences for one second and this is what I get? Never. Again.

“Yes, of course I’m happy to see you. We all miss you, especially Henrik.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Watching the show has been… interesting. How are things going with Carl?”

I’d slap his smug face right now.

“Better,” I say, nodding.

His face softens.

“I’m happy things are going well for you. I… wonder how things would have been if I didn’t get dumped, you know? I’d have chosen you in a heartbeat if I had the chance.”

His voice is soooo soothing, it’s deep and relaxing.

“What you talked about with Carl yesterday… was it the truth? About me and the dumping?”

There’s no point in hiding it: I had no reason to lie and he knows it. Plus, I’m way too shaken to put on a convincing poker face.

“Yup.”

“Do you think we still have a chance?”

I want to say no. I wanted to make it work with Carl but… The situation there is, well, complicated, we’d have to work on our issues and miscommunications. But with Lucas I kinda have a blank slate: I could try avoiding making the same mistakes.

“I don’t know.”

He leans back on the chair, unflinching. Fuck. He knows that my ‘maybe’ is basically a ‘yes’ in this context.

His dark brown eyes pierce me in a different way that Carl’s icy ones do.

Carl’s eyes look at me trying to understand, while Lucas’ see right through me, no need to decipher anything, everything is clear as day.

Or maybe Carl just weakened me to this point.

Lucas pours us both some wine.

“Let’s toast.”

I’m scared of the answer I might get, but I kinda have to ask.

“To what?”

“To the future.”

Is that a threat? It kinda feels like one.

“To the future.”

We clink glasses and take a sip: he’s not breaking eye contact so I do.

“You know that there’s a wine called Ferrari? It’s not just a car company. My surname is actually pretty common in Italy. No one expects that since it’s just a brand in their eyes. It’s kinda like Ford.”

I was expecting him to pick up the topic, but he drops it. Fuck, without thinking I defaulted to the strategy I use on Carl to avoid hot topics.

“You can be vulnerable with me, I’m not one of those lads who take advantage of that.”

“Ah, yes now I trust you completely,” I say with an unmistakably sarcastic tone.

He looks down at his glass.

“You’re right, I should respect your boundaries. I’m sorry.”

I look up at him. He knows he’s overstepped and now he’s backing off.

“While I was outside the Villa I watched some of your videos. They’re funny!”

“Thank you.”

Lucas opens his mouth to add something but the crew tells us that our time here’s over. We both stand and he keeps looking at me adoringly.

I start walking away, but he grabs my wrist and quickly pulls me in his arms.

He looks at me intently in the eyes and then at my lips. How do people breathe? I kinda forgot.

He slowly gets closer and closer and I can’t bring myself to push him away.

His lips are soft against mine and taste vaguely of wine. I think I need some proper CPR because my heart seems to have stopped.

The ride back to the Villa is a little awkward. His hand is placed a little further from him than normal; he wants to see if I take it.

No way Josè, I’ve already made the mistake of not pushing you away before. I feel shitty for doing that to Carl.

We’re back at the Villa and Carl’s face looks visibly worried as he sees Lucas walking behind me.

I can’t take it. I run to the bedroom and hide under one of the beds. I don’t want to see anyone now. Not Carl and especially not Lucas.

After a while I hear someone stepping into the bedroom.

“Sara? I know you’re under the bed.”

I recognise that voice. That’s Hannah… she must have been Gary’s date!

There’s no way I’m coming out.

“Sara, come on, don’t make me look under every bed. I know you’re there, I saw you the night you came back from Casa Amor.”

I close my eyes in defeat and sigh. Of course any person coming from the outside would know my hiding spot.

I crawl back out.

“Nice to see you Hannah.”

We were very indifferent to each other at the start and that hasn’t changed. What has changed is… her. She’s ditched her long braid and her dainty manners: now she sports a mane of perfectly curled red hair and just a skosh of attitude.

“Hey Sara. I’m sorry for barging in, but I really wanted to talk to you.”

I raise my eyebrows at her, genuinely surprised. Of all the people in here, I thought I would be the last she would have any interest in speaking to.

“How did your date with Lucas go?”

“Err… it went, fine?”

“You have no idea how he spoke about you in the Beach Hut! And you should have seen him while we were waiting for the dates to be set up. He was so tense!”

“Huh? Well, that’s interesting. What about yours with Gary?”

“It was really fun!”

“Nice...”

I spot Carl waiting just outside the door and trail off. Hannah notices me looking at the door and she turns to see what I’m looking at.

“Oh… I’ll leave you to it.” She says, standing up and leaving the bedroom.

Carl and I sit on the bed.

“So, how did it go?”

_ Lucas kissed me. _

“I didn’t expect to see him…”  _ and I kissed him back _ “weird that I had just dreamed of him as a chess piece.”

“As a chess piece?”

“Yeah, he was the opponent king,”  _ he kissed me _ “the two of us were the other king and queen,”  _ and I kissed him back _ “Shannon was our bishop and Hannah the pawn.”

“Well, who won?”

“We did,”  _ Lucas kissed me _ “I checkmated him with the help of Shannon,”  _ and I kissed him back. _

I suddenly hug Carl: he perks up in surprise. I have no idea what to do, but I can’t hold it in anymore.

“He kissed me and I kissed him back.”

My head is spinning wildly as I pull back to look straight in his eyes.

“I’m… sorry, I’m so fucking confused, I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

He pulls me back into the hug.

“It’s ok. If you want to be with him just tell me, ok?”

I fight back the tears that are threatening to escape my eyes. He’s making things easier and more difficult at the same time.

“I need time to think.”


	14. Stuck Between A Hunk And A Hot Guy

Multiple people try to talk to me about the date, but I shut everyone out. I jump in the pool to furiously swim back and forth so that no one can talk to me.

After a while I notice Lucas hanging lazily in one corner of the pool. I’m one hundred percent sure that he’s waiting for me to stop.

I go on until my arms feel too sore to keep going. Luckily, as soon as he starts approaching me, Priya screams from the terrace.

“Guys! A text!”

We both look up at her, exchange a significant look and exit the pool.

We all gather round Priya to listen to her reading the message.

“Tonight a recoupling will take place. The two returning islanders will choose first.”

Well, I’m actually kinda relieved that the choice has been taken from me. I had no idea what to do and now I don’t even get to choose. I’ll see the results and work from there.

I stare at Priya’s bottle on the bench to avoid all the eyes that I feel on myself.

Who’s the safest to talk to right now? Gary? Bobby?

“Sara, I need to talk to you.”

Lucas’ deep voice comes from behind me and it scares away everyone else, Carl included.

I turn around slowly. I don’t say anything, I just wait for him to spit it.

“I wanted to know if it were ok for me to choose you tonight.”

I want to avoid answering straight, but if we’re going to be a couple I need to be more honest.

“Is there anyone else you’d want to couple up with?”

“No, there’s no one else.” He replies straight away.

“You don’t have much choice, then.”

“I wanted to know if you’d be ok with it.”

The choice is thrust back into my hands like a hot potato. I wasn’t prepared to answer this question so soon.

I need to go with my gut feeling.

“I… think it’s best for us to explore, well,  _ this _ . I’ll speak with Carl, but you need to respect that between him and me, it's not over yet.”

He sends me a smile so sweet that I need an injection of insulin.

Sadly, Lucas isn’t the only person I need to be honest to.

I find Carl in the living room, staring in the distance. I sit beside him.

“Can I be honest?” I say

“Couldn’t ask for more.”

He looks at me with a tired look in his eyes.

“Lucas said he wants to pick you, right?”

I bite my lip.

“Yes, but that’s not all of it.”

I try swallowing, but my mouth is so dry that it just makes things worse.

“He wanted to know if I was ok with that… I figured it would be best to see where this is going, since we’re not together anymore.”

Carl averts his gaze and leans back on the sofa.

“But I want you to know that…” I sigh and a shiver runs up my spine. “I’m not over you.”

He looks at me, his eyes softening up.

“You said you couldn’t promise to be open all of a sudden, that you would just try. I want to say… you’re doing amazing.”

The genuine affection in his eyes and the pain… it’s too much.

“Fuck…”

I run away and he doesn’t follow me. I go get ready for the recoupling. Everyone seems on edge but especially Lottie.

We go to the fire pit; the guys are already there. I avoid every gaze possible and I just focus on the fire.

_ Ladies first: Hannah, please make your choice. _

She steps forward.

“I know last time I was here this guy didn’t really fancy me. But, as you might have noticed, I have changed quite a bit, so I want to see where things go with him now that I found the confidence to go after what I really want. I choose Gary.”

Lottie looks on the verge of tears, but she’s stubbornly looking up at the starlit sky.

Another message:  _ Lucas, please make your choice. _

He steps forward, his burning gaze fixed on me.

“When I was dumped, not everyone wanted me to go home. Someone actually really wanted me to stay. She didn’t fight for what she wanted, fearing rejection. But now we got another chance to see if we’d work as a couple. She’s the reason why I came back. The girl I want to couple up with is Sara.”

I can’t bring myself to look at Carl’s hurt eyes, even though I know they are on me.

Lucas leans in for a kiss, but I dodge it and kiss him on the cheek instead.

Whatever happens, it would be crass to let it happen in front of Carl like this. It’s funny how I’m more worried about his feelings now than I was when we were about to get together. Aren’t I just a roughly human shaped bundle of issues....

It’s Lottie’s turn.

“Since friendship doesn’t mean jack shit anymore in this place, I’m not basing my decision on not hurting my friends. I choose Bobby.”

Bobby gapes at her. He turns to Emily only to find her absolutely gobsmacked.

“We’ll get another chance.” He says to her, with the most serious look I’ve ever seen on his freckled face.

He goes to stand beside Lottie, but he doesn’t kiss her, hug her or take her hand.

Emily looks so angry that when her phone dings, she grabs it with such feistiness that I’m worried she might throw it at Lottie.

“The guy I wanted to be with is taken, so I… I don’t know… I choose Ibrahim.”

Ibrahim turns to Shannon with a worried look, but she just nods encouragingly. She’s confident about his loyalty.

Marisol is next.

“I can’t believe no one has snatched this man from my hands, but I’m glad about it. I choose Graham.”

Shannon is next.

“I can’t be with the guy I wanted, but, unlike others, I keep in high regard the established couples. I don’t have much choice, but I know Henrik and Priya are actually happy to be together, so I choose Carl.”

I look down. I want to give him space so that if he wants to kiss Shannon or take her hand he feels free to do it.

Priya doesn’t even wait for her text to sashay over to Henrik and embrace him.

The recoupling is finally over, with quite a shake up. Only two couples survived it…

Emily confronts Lottie, but Shannon intervenes. I have absolutely no energy left for this bullshit and I just make a beeline to the roof terrace.

After a few minutes of stargazing and soul searching, I hear steps behind me.

I turn around to Lucas’ chiseled face and exposed chest.

I go back to the stars, but he presses himself against my back and my legs go numb. His arms slither around me, tightening against my shoulders.

I lean back against him, tired of all the stress and pain.

He leans down to kiss my temple.

“How does it feel? Being coupled up with me?”

He spins me around to look at me straight in the eyes.

“It’s too soon to tell.”

I sustain his gaze and I see it on his face that he knows I’m telling the truth. 

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel more at ease?”

“Can we just… talk?”

“Ok, let’s sit down and talk.”

He sits on the bench and pats the spot beside him. I sit there and he puts his arm on my shoulders.

“You know that we are actually star dust?” I say.

He raises his eyebrows at me.

“It’s not a hippie thing, it’s actually science.” I explain.

“Really?”

“Young stars fuse hydrogen to make helium, right? The biggest ones, once they run out of hydrogen, start making heavier elements like carbon and oxygen and then eventually burst into a supernova, scattering them around the universe. That’s where the atoms that make us come from.”

“That’s quite… romantic, isn’t it?”

He smiles at me and I can see the stars reflected in his eyes.

He leans closer, slowly, giving me time to dodge him or push him back, but I don’t.

Our lips meet and he cups his hand on the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair.

I cup my hands on his neck instead, brushing the back of his hair with my fingertips and stroking his sharp jawline with my thumbs.

I part my lips and suck lightly on his lower lip, drawing a little moan from him.

I pull myself back.

“It’s been a long day, I’m exhausted… let’s go to bed.”

He nods and we get ready for bed.


	15. The Fields of Commiseration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a mistake in the publishing process *facepalm*, I completely skipped over this chapter... I'm so sorry, it must have been confusing reading of the characters mentioning things that never happened... well, here it is, better late than never I guess...

When I wake up, everyone seems to be gone. I go to the roof terrace, and I notice everyone gathered around two new girls.

Fuuuuuck, this is the last thing I wanted to see. I’m in a precarious situation, being with Carl but also Lucas, and two new girls means two future dumpings.

I can’t bring myself to go out. Suddenly, Carl comes into the bedroom. My stomach churns painfully at the sight of him.

“Overwhelmed? Need to be alone?” I ask.

The look he gives me is straight up heartbreaking. He knows that I know and understand this side of him. It would have been a sweet thing to say if I weren’t exploring my feelings for another guy.

He sits on the bed next to mine. I reach across and put a hand on his.

His phone beeps. He takes it out and reads it.

“I have to go on a date with Elisa. One of the new girls.”

This is fine, this is not the worst morning in recent history. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

He goes to the dressing room. Near the entrance I meet Henrik, Lucas and Ibrahim.

Lucas frowns at me.

“Elisa invited me out for a date…”

“Cool, fuck me, I guess… Are you going on a date with Elisa too?” I say, gesturing towards Ibrahim and Henrik.

“No, we were invited by Jo,” replies Ibrahim.

“Right, right… well, enjoy your dates, see you later.”

I wander aimlessly throughout the Villa while my mind travels through the Fields of Commiseration to get to Mount I’m So Fucking Done With This.

First: would I be able to mend my relationship with Carl? Second: where exactly does Lucas fit in this equation? Third: new girls means double dumping, right in the moment when I’m at my most vulnerable. Fourth: Elisa, whoever the fuck she is, has taken not one but both men I’m figuring out my feelings for. That heinous bitch.

Eventually I find myself on the roof terrace and I meet Priya and Shannon.

“Hey Sara, we’re here keeping watch on the guys returning from the dates, wanna join us?” asks Priya.

Absolutely not.

“Nah, I’m just gonna lay here.”

I throw myself on the lounger.

“Aren’t you worried about Lucas?” asks Shannon.

“Aren’t you worried about Carl?” I reply, dryly.

“I’m not worried, I’m just here to support Priya.”

Priya frowns.

“Jo’s a professional athlete and I’m… well not anywhere close to being sporty. Henrik likes trekking and survival and stuff… what if he likes her more than me?”

“If he thinks he’ll ever do better than you he’s stupider than he looks.” I reply.

“You were the bombshell, bloody hell! You came in like a hurricane, you even turned Noah’s head. I’m sure Henrik likes you too much to let you go, you’ve been cute as fuck since we came back from Casa Amor!” I add.

And that isn’t something you could have said about me and Carl at any point. And Lucas… who knows.

“Elisa’s back!”

Priya waves me over expectantly: I don’t budge and she stomps my way to offer me a hand.

“You’re the worst! I was so comfortable here!” I weakly protest, but then I take her hand and follow her to look over the lawn.

In the distance I see a dark and small figure, which has to be Elisa, with two dark haired men behind her. The taller one is just walking as if everything were perfectly normal, the other one seems to be fiddling with his fingers.

I decide to stay where I am and wait for Henrik with Priya.

Steps approach us and I turn around and see Lucas. My heart skips more than just one beat.

But he only gives me a quick look before walking to Shannon. He whispers something in her ear and she goes apeshit, stomping away furiously.

Me and Priya are both left with our mouths wide open in shock.

“She had the right to know…” says Lucas.

“To know what?” I ask.

“By the look of things you’ll find out soon enough.”

A few minutes later we see Jo jump down the jeep with Ibrahim and Henrik right behind her.

A mane of red curls saunters through the lawn to stop in front of Jo. She waves the boys away and she starts discussing with Jo about something.

Priya seems conflicted if to stay and hear what happened or if to run to her partner. After a few seconds she decides to go and meet Henrik first.

Lucas wraps his arms around me from the back. He leans down to kiss my cheek.

“Do you want to hear how the date went?” He whispers in my ear. I murmur in approval.

“We went to a day spa, but nothing happened, we just chatted a little but it wasn’t even flirty.”

I place a little kiss on his forearm.

“Want to know how Carl and Elisa were with each other?”

I swear I must have developed a medical condition because my heart today doesn’t seem to be following any regular rhythm. I nod.

“He tried to speak to her but they didn’t have anything in common to talk about, so after a while he kinda spaced out.”

Yeah, that’s my Carl. And I think this while in the arms of another man. How perfectly normal.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because it’s true and you deserve to know.”

“Why did you tell Shannon about Ibrahim?”

“How do you kn-”

“It’s pretty obvious considering her reaction. Why did you tell her?”

“Same thing. She deserves to know what’s going on with her man.”

“And if she breaks up with Ibrahim, Shannon will maybe move on with Carl.” I spit. I didn’t mean to be so caustic, but it just came out that way.

“Sara, you know full well that he has the right to move on if you’re not together anymore.”

“I know…”

He takes a deep breath.

“Come on, let’s get ready for the party.”

I get ready for the party and knowing full well that this will turn into a brutal fight, I take triple the time it usually takes me to get ready.

Jo and Shannon are going to be fighting over that kiss, Emily and Lottie are still mad for the way the recoupling went and I’m one hundred percent not here for that. 

My fears are confirmed by screaming voices coming from the kitchen. As I walk across the lawn to find the quietest spot, Bobby walks out of the kitchen looking dejected and goes to sit by the pool alone.

“Hey Bo. Is everything alright?” I ask him, sitting beside him.

“Not really. Turns out, Jo kissed Ibrahim on the date. Shannon started accusing Jo, she denied it, Emily started screaming because she’s the one coupled with him, then Shannon screamed at Emily for stealing him and she started blaming Lottie for stealing… me. And I hate drama, I always feel responsible for it.”

“Oh, come on Bo, you are one of the few people in here that no one can blame for anything. It’s not your fault Lottie chose you because Hannah stole Gary from her.”

“That’s true, but maybe if I told Emily that-”

“No, Bo, you’re innocent, period, ok?”

He pouts at me.

“How are you holding up, though?”

“Aww, I’m losing my mind, thanks.”

“Come on Sara, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just can’t figure out if I should be with Lucas or Carl.”

“I’m team Carl personally.”

“Why?”

“I think if you were supposed to be with Lucas you’d feel fine right now.”

“I’m not sure it’s that simple.”

“Who knows, maybe it isn’t but maybe it is.”

He shrugs.

“Bo, just keep focusing on your happiness, ok? Go find Emily and comfort her, maybe even defend her if necessary. I’m gonna find Lucas or Carl right now.”

“Look, Lucas is at the fire pit.”

I look over my shoulder and, sure enough Lucas is there, watching us.

I walk to him and sit beside him. He doesn’t hug me.

“Are you figuring things out with Bobby too?”

“What?” I look up at him in disbelief.

“I don’t know, you looked a little too cozy hanging by the pool in the moonlight.”

“Come on Lucas, I’ve been honest about Carl, why wouldn’t I be honest if I had something going on with Bobby?”

He pauses for a moment and then takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, sometimes I get jealous for no reason.”

He puts an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. He coaxes my chin up with his free hand. How did he end up being so hot?

He kisses me passionately: this time he pushes my lips apart with a gentle flick of his tongue.

I respond with the same intensity, getting a good taste of him. His hands move to my waist and he pulls me onto his lap.

I feel a familiar pulse between my legs, but I stay a little further back on his legs.

I keep kissing him and he tenses up when my hands instinctively find their way to his hair. I bet he doesn’t like me touching it, but he knows that I really like to do it.

I bite his lower lip lightly and he responds by wrapping his arms tighter around my waist and I slide down to his crotch.

Aaand of course he’s hard.

I have very little control over myself by now. I grind against it a couple of times before he asks me.

“Wanna go somewhere… private?”

With what little control I have left I say “No.”

I keep grinding for a couple of seconds but eventually stop.

“It’s been a long day. Let’s just go to bed, ok?” He asks me gently.

“Ok.”

We get ready and enter the bedroom. As per usual, Marisol and Graham’s bed is occupied and the duvet is pulled all the way up over them. But the news is… Shannon’s bed is occupied as well. Muffled moans come from it, but it’s unclear who’s under the covers.

Priya and Henrik are sleeping on one of the beds and cuddling and so are Hannah and Gary.

I saw Bobby and Emily sleeping on the daybeds, Ibrahim is sleeping alone on the other bed.

That only leaves…

I feel a pit in my stomach. He didn’t have to wait for me. He moved on, as he should have. And yet I hate it. I hate it, I hate it with every single cell of my body. Even the bacteria living in my bowel hate it. And Lucas’ arms aren’t enough to make me forget it.


	16. Stupid Piece Of Shite

The next morning I wake up feeling like utter shit.

I trudge my way to the kitchen. I didn’t expect to find someone up so early, but Carl is there.

He looks up at me with the guiltiest look I’ve ever seen.

I thought that yesterday was the worst feeling possible, but no. This is much worse.

I take a step back, and then another.

Carl opens his mouth to speak, but I run away. I have no right to be mad, I have no claim on him. I have no right to interfere with him and Shannon.

I sit on the foot of the bed and just watch Shannon sleeping alone.

She’s cool and smart, she’s from Dublin just like Carl; she has a curvy body but she owns it with the confidence of a queen. I couldn’t even own my small tits and that’s why I had them done.

She’s actually quite a good fit for Carl. A better fit than I am.

I lay down on the bed and snuggle up to Lucas.

Probably I’m not even a good fit for Lucas. He’s a physiotherapist and I am a fucking Youtuber. He’s rich and elegant, I feel like the smelliest piece of shit in the whole galaxy. And not just any piece of shit, an ambitious piece of shit that thinks it deserves to juggle two of the most eligible bachelors in the Villa. And that’s much much worse.

I eventually doze off. I wake up later to something hard rubbing against my butt.

“Do you have a stack of coins in your trunks or are you just happy to be waking up next to me?”

“I’m just waking up, that's it. But I am happy to have you in my arms.”

He buries his face in the crook of my neck and starts kissing me gently. I might be the smelliest piece of shit, but I can at least be useful for something.

“Are we alone?” I ask.

Lucas looks over his shoulder and gives me an affirmative ‘m-hm’, so I pull the duvet over us both.

I turn my head and start kissing him with a ferocity that matches just how much I hate myself right now.

He seems to like it though, his hand travels down my body to slip under my panties.

He moans when he finds that I’m wet already.

I reach behind me, slip my hand into his briefs and grab his shaft to stroke it.

He circles his two fingers on my clit for a moment and then he sinks them effortlessly into me.

I melt under his touch so much that I lose focus on him and my hand flops around without rhythm.

I give up trying to please him with my hand and I just reach for a condom in the nightstand drawer.

When he sees it he stops in his tracks.

“Are you sure?”

I nod and he just squeezes me.

He then takes the condom from my hand and slips it on; I arch my back and push down my undies to let him in.

He slides in with a soft groan, hugging my arms and chest tightly. 

His hand travels down once again, but this time all the attention goes to the clit and he rubs it, at first lightly and then pressing more and more.

I am the smelliest piece of shit, but I can at least make a man groan like that.

Finally I feel the tension rising and I start spasming all over in his arms, soaking in pleasure until the very last drop of it. 

He isn’t done yet though, so I straddle him, studying his face. Knowing that I’m giving so much pleasure makes me feel more useful and not a waste of space. 

I ride him until he groans loudly and twitches inside of me.

I crumble down on his chest: he’s covered by a thin layer of sweat and so am I.

I roll to the side and he gives me a tender kiss on the lips before sliding off the bed and going to the bathroom.

I curl up in a ball. I might be a piece of shit, but he wants me and that’s his choice. Not my fault if his tastes are shit.

I stay in a fetal position, completely covered by the duvet. I don’t wanna face the world.

Lucas comes back from the bathroom and sits back on the bed. He pulls back the duvet, exposing me. He strokes my hair and looks at me with a cute smile on his face.

“I’m so happy you’re with me.” He says.

I curl up even tighter.

“I’m happy too.” I lie. He gives me another light kiss and leaves.

I take a few minutes and then go to take a shower. My hand presses against the place on my head where the bump used to be; it still hurts a little if I press enough.

It’s over. It’s over. It is over.

I sit down and just start crying against my hands. I wallow in commiseration for what feels like hours. Images of Carl’s hands over Shannon’s curves take form in my head. His back arching while he sinks into her. Sweat dripping down his face.

It’s over, it’s over.

This is why I had so many defences up. Because loving and losing is one of the most painful feelings I have ever experienced.

It’s true that Lucas can see right through them, but Carl had his own way to seep through my many walls and that was possibly even more insidious. 

_ No! Focus on Lucas! Think of how his arms held you, think of how much he desired you. He said he’s happy to be with you. _

I stand up and actually get clean. I exit the shower only to hear a different shower; outside it’s pouring heavily. Nice, the weather actually matches my mood!

I go downstairs and find everyone gathered in the living room.

“Let’s build a pillow fort!” Screams Emily excitedly.

Bobby squeals in delight.

“Lucas, go fetch a bucket from the kitchen, Elisa, Jo, you help me with the sofa cushions.”

He waits for Lucas to leave and then he yells at me.

“Right, the most essential part! Carl, Sara, go fetch all the bedroom duvets. Go!”

“But-” I protest.

“Go, go, go!” He insists.

Now if I refuse to go, Carl will think that I’m avoiding him. Which is pretty stupid since I ran away this morning. Since it’s over it’s maybe better if we never speak again. Ouch, that hurts. I don’t want that. But if I go will he want to talk to me? I’m not ready to talk!

My conscious brain freezes and my animal brain tells me to just obey the orders, just because they were given with enough conviction.

We go to the bedroom in complete silence. Carl looks just as uncomfortable as I am.

I start piling duvets in my arms.

“Sara…”

The mixture of pain and unease drenching my name as he speaks tears my heart apart.

“Yeah, I know! A pillow fort! Honestly, what are we, nine year olds?”

I’m in a full blown panic at this point.

I stubbornly focus on the duvets and refuse to look in his direction.

“That would have been worrying considering the amount of sex going on in this place.”

His remark is so out of place that I forget that I wasn’t supposed to look at him.

I grimace at him and his eyes go wide in realisation of what he just said.

I suddenly realise that the pile of duvets that I’m piling on my arms and close to my face has experienced most of that. They’d be drenched in sweat, maybe saliva and then God knows what else.

I drop them where I stand.

“Ew. Ewwww! I did not need that image!”

“I-I’m sure they washed them, though…”

“Seriously, what the fuck, Carl!”

My chest starts spasming and I let out a nervous laugh.

“You know what?” I say, picking the duvets back up. I dive my face into the heap of cloth in my arms and take a loud sniff. Yes, I hate myself that much.

“Mmmmh, sex juices, nice!”

I just take off, go downstairs and drop the whole heap at Bobby’s feet.

He looks at me in the eyes and raises one eyebrow. I’m guessing he knows that his plan didn’t really go anywhere.

“I’m gonna go tell Lucas that there’s no bucket in the kitchen.” I say to him.

I go to the kitchen to find Lucas enjoying a glass of juice, sitting on one of the barstools.

“I don’t think there’s a bucket in this kitchen.” I say.

“I didn’t think so, I just didn’t want to play and I took the opportunity to duck out.”

He pats his own thigh to invite me to sit on his lap. I oblige and wrap one arm around his back.

His chest is firm and warm and I can hear his slow and steady heartbeat.

“What are we gonna do now? Do you know how to play chess?” I ask.

“I don’t…”

We fall silent and he takes another sip from the glass.

“Or we could just talk.” I add.

“Yeah, let’s do that. You play video games for a living, what do you do in your free time?”

“I read or watch movies and TV series, mostly. Or draw, but I’m not good at it. What about you?”

“I like to take my motorbike for a ride. Leather jacket, helmet and a full tank, that’s really all I need.”

“Do you ever take girls on your rides?” I look up at him and caress his arm tattoo with the tip of my fingers.

“Sometimes…” He smirks.

“Would you take me?”

“If you put a leather jacket on I’ll do whatever you ask me to.”

I give him a sweet smile and lay my head back on his chest.

“Good thing I have several then.”

Something pokes me from beneath me.

“Oh boy, you  _ really  _ like girls in leather jackets.”

He gives me a lustful look.

“I like you in a leather jacket.”

I stand up and take his hand, while I lead him to the bathroom I try to picture it.

Lucas and I, dressed in jeans and leather jackets, with helmets under our arms. He jumps on the bike and I jump on right after him. We wear the helmets and I wrap my arms tight against his chest. Under me the bike starts to roar and vibrate, then the acceleration tugs me back a little as the bike starts to move. The wind makes my hair flail behind me and I just enjoy the ride without thinking too much about anything.

I could get used to that.

We climb into the shower and I start tugging at his trunks. He leans for a kiss and we start making out while I take his length in my hands and start moving them up and down.

I pull back from the kiss and kneel. I take a condom from his back pocket and roll it on him. He takes a deep breath and looks down at me.

I run my tongue around the tip and then up and down his length. 

His lips part slightly when I take him into my mouth. I look up again and he moans softly.

With one hand I grab his ass and with the other one I run from his abs to his chest.

I pick up the pace as his breaths become shorter and quicker.

He tangles his hands in my hair and pushes his hips forward..

I give his butt a squeeze and a powerful suck. A couple of pumps later he releases with a groan.

“I… need to rinse my mouth.”

He nods and I go to the sink to wash away the taste of the condom lube.

I hear my phone beeping from the other room and I go check.

“Oh no! Tonight we’re doing the heart rate challenge.”

“What’s with the ‘oh no’?”

“Because I might have saved something for later.”


	17. The Challenge Got Us Falling In Love Again

I’m ready for the challenge. Well, ready as I’ll ever be.

Gary’s first, he comes in moving his body seductively. He dances on Hannah first, then moves on to Lottie and goes around to dance on just about everyone.

Ibrahim comes in and dances exclusively on Jo. He looks back at Shannon, but he frowns when he sees her completely unbothered.

Bobby comes in with a ridiculously huge chef hat and he takes Emily for an equally ridiculous waltz around the fire pit.

Graham strips for Marisol, she gives him a pat on the bum when he leaves in a crab themed thong. 

Lucas is next. He dances on every girl before coming to me. He straddles me and runs his tongue along my collarbone. I throw my head back and he places his perfect lips on my neck and gives a good suck. I gasp and he gives me one last kiss on the jaw before strutting out.

Boy, was that effective… I wish the next one were Henrik, just to give my poor little heart a break, but, alas, no.

Carl is in a full suit, with tails and everything.

He walks in calmly. He stops just up the steps of the fire pit. He takes off the coat, which falls on the ground. He starts unbuttoning his shirt slowly, making eye contact with every girl except for me. 

I’ve never seen him like this. The only time that came close to this is... 

My hand rubs the top of my head.

He takes off the shirt and he’s left with only cuffs and a bowtie collar. Oh no, I think I know where this is going.

He grabs his pants and shoots me the most intense stare that burns right through me.

He rips off the pants with one swift movement and, sure enough, this reveals the tiny speedo he wore on the last brunch in Casa Amor.

He then has time to only dance for Shannon: he just straddles her and snogs her.

I can’t take it and look away. The things I couldn’t avoid imagining are now engraved in my mind forever and my heart is raging through my ribcage as if it were in a mosh pit.

I want revenge.

In comparison, Henrik’s push up routine and ridiculous poses are quite tame, but Priya seems to enjoy them all the same.

For my turn I choose a leather jacket and a pitch black bikini. I watch the other girls trying their best, to various degrees of success.

Shannon dances on Carl only, while Ibrahim looks on frowning. 

I’m last: the song is Usher’s “DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love”. I swear there’s someone who hates me in the production team.

I stride confidently towards them. I’ve seen them all at various points lusting for my body. Now it’s time to give them all a taste.

First is Lucas. I get him all worked up by touching my body right in front of him and, knowing how jealous he can get, I soon move on to the other guys.

Bobby gets a shimmy an inch from his nose and he shakes his head as if he were actually motorboating and then I give him a wink before moving on.

I make Gary stand and twerk against the side of his hip.

I put my foot on the bench just beside Henrik and suggestively caress the inside of my thigh.

I don’t really know what to do with Graham, so I just shimmy the way I did for Bobby and he turns very red. As red as the crab he has on his ridiculous thong.

I lean over Ibrahim and just blow air from my nose onto his neck and give him a little moan in the ear, leaning over him suggestively.

Only Carl left.

I straight up straddle him, sitting on his knees.

He puts his hands on my back and pushes me forward the way he did  _ that night _ . This time I take it in stride and arch back until my eyes lock upside down with Lucas’.

I straight myself back up and my hands shoot upwards, grabbing Carl’s pitch black hair without giving him the opportunity to dodge.

He looks at me with his breathtakingly icy eyes and I completely melt inside.

The song ends, but I’m stuck there, staring into his eyes, struggling to breathe.

“Wooooo! Wow that was intense, let’s see who won, right guys?” I hear Bobby yell with a slight tinge of unease.

I look down and uncomfortably pull away from Carl. Lucas is squinting at me. He strides towards me and invades my mouth with his tongue in front of everyone.

I push him off.

“Not in front-” I whisper.

“Yes, in front of everyone. You can’t just dance like that on all of them and then expect me to not show them who you really belong to.”

“Belong to? I’m not your property!”

“But you’re with me and I think they needed a little reminder.”

“Cut the crap Lucas. This is not about the challenge and you know it.”

“It’s over Sara, he fucked Shannon!”

I gape at him and so does everyone else.

“Fuck you, Lucas.”

I run away and hide under the bed as usual. I hope Hannah hasn’t told anyone about my hiding spot and that Lucas hasn’t noticed this particular detail when watching the show.

I cringe hard and my throat closes painfully. I start sobbing uncontrollably, which isn’t quite ideal if I want to stay hidden.

But I just can’t help it. Bitter tears escape my eyes and fall on the ground.

Lucas is right, it’s over. I should have spoken to Carl, no matter how weird it would have been. I needed to ask him where his head was at. But I was scared he’d tell me it was over. I didn’t wanna hear that, so I just tried to move on. But you can’t move on if you’re not over the other person. You can try, but you’ll still have lingering feelings, questions...

“I know you’re under the bed. We… need to talk.”

I expected it to be Lucas, but it’s not.

I sob even louder.

A hand pulls the duvet up. I turn my face away as I keep sobbing in spite of myself.

“Come on, talk to me.”

I hear him shifting.

“We can talk like this if you want.”

I turn to Carl and I see that he’s lying on his back on the ground.

I sniffle.

“I thought giving you space was the right choice, but it’s not working quite right, is it?” He asks.

“That’s the understatement of the century.” I say, my voice weak and slightly trembly.

“I wanted you to know that… it’s not over for me. At least, not yet.”

Those words knock all the air out of my lungs.

“Me neither.”

“Could we, like… sit on the bed? I’m allergic to dust and my nose is starting to feel a little itchy.”

“A nerd through and through, huh?”

I manage a little smile and decide to crawl out from under the bed.

He stands up and then offers me a hand, but he retracts it when his body is shaken by a powerful sneeze.

I prop myself up on the bed and he sits down too. Another sneeze later and he retorts back with “Look who’s talking. Aren’t you the one who has every single Nintendo console?”

“I am, but face it, I’m cooler than you.”

“Nah, console gaming is for noobs. PC games are where it’s at.”

“I never felt the need for it, that’s it.”

“I bet you never even tried Minecraft.”

“Err…”

“What? Are you serious? You play video games for a living!”

“I know! I have always wanted to try, but then it blew up and I didn’t want to just jump on the bandwagon!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. And to think that you dare to call yourself a gamer!”

“There’s a lot of stuff you have to try too, don’t act like I’m the only one who’s missing out on stuff.”

I cross my arms and pout, but if I were an anime I’d have heart eyes.

“By the way, who won the challenge?” I ask.

“It was a tie.”

“I think the real winner is the piece of shit who decided to put Usher on for my bit.”

Carl’s face turns serious.

“I’m glad that you are cheerier than when I found you, but we actually need to talk.”

“Yeah, I should have talked to you long ago.”

“I’ll start. I have, erm, something going on with Shannon… but I’m not sure that it’s what I want. I might need a little more time. Where is your head at?”

I take a pause to gather my thoughts.

“I’m most definitely not over you. Things with Lucas aren’t going badly, but… it’s just not the same. I think I’d rather be with you.”

He gives me his derpiest smile. I stroke his cheek right when Bobby enters the room.

He’s trying his best to hide a goofy grin while he goes to the bathroom.

“Note to self: punch Bobby in the face ASAP.” I say, writing on a non-existent notebook with a non-existent pen.

He cackles in an evil manner as he disappears through the bathroom door. We can still hear him manically cackling through the wall.

“He said he was team Carl… his exact words were something like ‘If it doesn’t feel right being with Lucas, that means that you’re not supposed to be with him’,” I explain.

“What do you think about that?”

“I told him that it wasn’t that simple, but now I think that... maybe it is.”

Muffled giggling comes from the bathroom.

“Cut it out, you prick!”

I bang on the wall with my fist as Lottie enters the bedroom.

“Sara, Lucas is at the fire pit, he said he wanted to talk to you.”

I turn to Carl and he nods.

“You should go.”

Lottie sends me a questioning look and I mouth ‘later’ at her.

I make my way downstairs and through the lawn.

Lucas is there, sitting on the bench and I sit beside him in silence.

“I might need to apologise. For telling you to fuck yourself... I’m sorry.” I say after a while.

“Apology accepted. But there’s other things we need to discuss. I know that this was a challenge, so I’m not mad at you for dancing for the other guys, I did the same thing after all.”

He pauses.

“I didn’t like the way you danced with Carl. It’s true that I tend to be too jealous, but I’ve thought about that and I think this time I’m justified, considering the circumstances.”

I lean back on the bench and look up to the starlit sky.

“Listen… I’m gonna be fully honest: I do not regret having coupled up with you and you’re a great guy but… I think I have made my choice. I’m not over Carl and I don’t think I will be anytime soon.”

Lucas takes a deep breath and covers his face with his big hands. He rubs them up and down and then he lets them travel down to his neck and either side of his jaw. 

“Ok. Now I want to be alone.”

I want to say something, but I don’t know what, so I just leave. I feel weirdly at peace; now all I have to do is wait for Carl to make his decision, I’ve done my part. It’s either Carl or going home. I have no interest in staying here otherwise.

I walk to the daybeds, but I hear some giggling from a lump under the covers. I know exactly who’s been sleeping here since the last recoupling.

My gut only wants one thing right now.  _ Revenge _ .

I hide behind the head of the bed. Soft moans and slight creaks come from the bed.

Now I kinda regret I didn’t wait until tomorrow to break up with Lucas.

I wait until I hear a raspy groan. I don’t wanna picture my friend’s O face, but I can’t help it. It is a little disturbing, but at least it’s not heart wrenching like imagining Carl with Shannon.

The moans have stopped and I now can only hear heavy breathing and little kiss noises. Awww, so cute! Too bad someone is about to catch a bad case of meteorism.

I put my hands over my mouth and make a farting noise.

“Bobby!”

“It wasn’t me!”

Another farting noise.

“Ewww, disgusting!”

“It’s not me either!”

I put my mouth in the crook of my elbow and blow hard, making a disgusting exaggerated noise.

“Wait...”

I start giggling.

“Sara?”

I cackle.

“You spastic!”

“Oi, watch your mouth baker boy, thank me for waiting for you to jizz.”

“Sara!”

“Don’t worry Emily, we’ve all heard everyone else fuck in here. All the barriers are meaningless at this point. Plus, I’m happy for you.”

I walk to the other bed and lay down.

“Guys, care if I join the daybed club? I... kinda broke up with Lucas and I don’t think I should sleep with him anymore.”

Bobby pulls the duvet over his head as if to hide his reaction, but his fist pump is so obvious that I don’t think he really wanted to conceal it.

“Yay, wow, you guessed right! A coin could have done the same, you know?”

He comes out from under the covers and rolls his eyes at me shaking his head.

“To be fair I thought the same, even though I only met you in person four days ago,” says Emily.

“Ok guys, I get it, you won! Well now we’ll have to see what Carl decides. He might wanna stay with Shannon.”

“But if he doesn’t choose you…” Bobby trails off.

“...I’d be dumped. I know, but I couldn’t keep leading Lucas on knowing that he’s not the one.”

“Ooh, so Carl is ‘the one’ now?” Bobby exclaims with a ridiculously shrill voice.

This time I’m the one rolling my eyes and then I throw myself down on the daybed.

“Plus, I have no interest in staying here if I’m not with him, at this point it’s not like they’ll introduce new islanders. If I have to be in a friendship couple I might as well go back home and get my life back on track.”

None of us have anything to add to that and I’m so tired that I doze off without even pulling the covers over myself.


	18. All Is Fair In Love Island And War

I wake up to Priya’s face a couple of inches from mine. She’s laying on the other side of the bed.

“Oi girl, this is creepy!”

“Good morning girl! Lottie and I wanted to know what happened yesterday.”

I only now notice Lottie sitting on the foot of the bed.

“Yeah, the heart rate challenge’s show was stolen by your little love square.” Says Lottie.

“Love square?” Emily mumbles from the other bed.

“It’s basically two love triangles that have two people in common. There’s Lucas-Sara-Carl and there’s Sara-Carl-Shannon.” Lottie explains.

“Well, yesterday I disrupted one of the triangles, so I guess there’s just one triangle left after all. It doesn’t really make sense though, since in a triangle me and Shannon would be connected, but actually we’re both connected to Carl and not to each other, that would make a-”

Priya snaps her fingers really close to my nose.

“Sara, focus. Tell us what happened.”

My phone goes off at the same time as the other girls’.

Girls day out.

“Ladies, I think we’ll have plenty of time for details later.” I say.

I take a shower and get ready for the day. We’re whisked to the beach by jeep and as soon as we get there the group splits in two.

I take a seat at the bar near the pool with Lottie, Priya, Emily and Jo.

Elisa, Shannon, Hannah and Marisol walk towards the sea.

“So he said that he’s not sure being with Shannon is what he wants?” Asks Emily after my brief explanation.

“Basically, yes.” I reply.

“What did Lucas say?” asks Jo.

“He just asked me to leave him alone. That’s when I left.”

Emily turns slightly red… she knows that that’s when I heard her and Bobby having sex.

“Well, the next recoupling is definitely gonna be quite interesting I think.” Says Lottie.

“One thing I’m sure of is that Bobby’s not gonna choose you.” comments Emily bitterly.

Lottie pouts and frowns.

“Emily… I never apologised for that… it was a mistake. Hannah snatched Gary from me and I was so caught up in my own commiseration that I only cared about me having a friend by my side, completely disregarding your relationship. I’m sorry for that.”

“Awwww, that’s my girl!” Says Priya side-hugging Lottie.

“Thank you Lottie, I appreciate your apology.” Emily says, with a reassuring nod.

We all get into the pool, dive bombing in a huge splash.

After a while I hear multiple phones beeping.

I got a text saying that I will be cooking dinner with Shannon tonight.

The other phone was Lottie’s; she will prepare the table with Hannah.

“They want us to fight. That’s why they sent us here.” I state.

“Or maybe they want us to make up.” Replies Lottie.

I don’t know. But something is bound to happen and that’s good for ratings.

The afternoon goes on without further surprises and we’re soon back to the Villa.

I take a shower and get ready for the night. Shannon is waiting for me to finish.

I put my makeup on and stand up.

“Let’s go! Do you think we have rice?” I ask, while making our way to the kitchen.

“Yes, I think so.”

“Nice, I can make risotto then.”

“I wanted to make shepherd’s pie.”

“We can do both, why not? It’s primo and secondo.”

“Is that an italian thing?”

“Yes it is.”

We get busy right away.

I put water and a stock cube in a pot on the stove. Shannon starts chopping onions and carrots.

We work in silence for a while.

We’re clearly competing for Carl, but with food. Dear lord, what is this, the fifties?

I know this is silly, but Shannon’s unshakable confidence makes me insecure as hell and I can’t help feeling competitive.

I’m sure this is riveting material for the producers. I’m sure they’re going to make a silly montage with tense action music like a crazy anime scene.

When we carry the plates to the table, Lottie and Hannah are sitting in silence at opposite ends of the table.

I put the bowl of risotto in the middle of the table.

We call people over and announce the menu.

“I made risotto with sausage and mushrooms...” I start.

“...and I made shepherd's pie, but it’s still in the oven, it will be ready in twenty minutes.” finishes Shannon.

Everyone digs into my risotto and eventually the pie, complimenting and chatting casually.

I notice that the only person who doesn’t even touch my risotto is Lucas.

_ His loss, not mine _ . But I feel a little pang of guilt, I hope he’s fine.

Most eyes, however, are on Carl. He’s so focused on the food that he doesn’t even notice until his plate is empty.

He looks up and turns pink, he knows that this is not just about the food.

His eyes dart around for a few seconds while he thinks what to say, then he raises his glass and says,

“Great dinner! To the cooks and the waitresses!”

“Yeah, but what did you like better?” asks Gary.

Carl sends him a scared look and then looks down.

“N-nothing, both equally tasty.”

Now all eyes are on him; he looks extremely uncomfortable.

He’s not the kind of person that likes to proclaim to the world his undying love. Even if he has already decided between Shannon and me, he’d talk to us privately. He’s uncomfortable because Gary has put him on the spot for a question he doesn’t want to answer.

“Oi, who wants some bubbly?” I ask, raising the bottle in the air.

A chorus of people cheers for it and I pop the cork. I fill the glasses and after a while I risk a glance towards Carl. He looks noticeably less tense, but still on edge. He stands up and excuses himself to go to the bathroom.

He disappears inside the Villa and Shannon follows him inside.

“Shannon!”

I call out and jog to her, away from the table.

“I think he wants to be left alone…”

“We don’t need to talk-”

“We’re the ones he’s conflicted about, even if we don’t speak, he’s not gonna like it.”

“I disagree.”

We reached an impasse. She holds my gaze for a moment and then follows him inside.

Other than physically restrain her from entering, and we all know that’s not gonna happen, there’s nothing I can do now. Maybe she’s even right and he wants her there.

I look back at the table and see Lucas averting his gaze while everyone else is deep in chat.

I sigh while I shake my head and then throw myself on the living room sofa with a soft ‘oof’.

I blink lazily at one of the cushions as my train of thoughts grinds to a halt. 

I close my eyes and try picturing myself in Hyrule. I just woke up, I have no memories of the past. I have no idea who I am or what people need me for. What I see is a vast land, mine to explore and a big ominous castle to work towards, if I want to, that is.

My main problem is where to find apples, how to climb a tower. These are straightforward goals - you improve your strength, your ability, you study your enemies’ attack patterns...

How do you fight against your inner demons? How do I outgrow out the need to hide my affection? Is there a weapon hidden in a chest somewhere that could help me tackle this fear?

Not all guys are like that. Like those guys who lose all respect for you as soon as you step a little outside their expectations for you. Like those that fawn over you until you give in and then, as soon as they have you, they start treating you like you owe them something.

Not all guys treat you like you’re a goddess to be worshipped or a beast to be tamed.

Some guys treat you like their equal… right?

Sometimes it’s just worth the risk. You just have to suck it up and accept that things can go wrong because otherwise they’re never getting better.

“Wanna play chess?”

I turn my head and see Carl leaning against the door frame with his board in hand.

“Ok!”

I prop myself up in a sitting position and he sits opposite to me.

“I missed our chess games,” I say.

He looks up at me and musters a strained smile.

“Me too.”

We keep setting the pieces in place in silence. The game starts and I can tell Carl’s mind is not all into it. It’s like he’s trying to distract himself but it’s not one-hundred percent successful. I move my knight and he doesn’t even notice that his queen is in danger until I remove it from the board. I end up winning.

He doesn’t look too displeased though… I don’t think he minded losing.

“Lucas told us you broke up with him…” He says.

I look at him intensely.

“I did. I tried to convince myself that we could work, but it just didn’t feel right. It’s infuriating when something makes sense but the feelings ruin everything.”

“It really is… like, I know all the tricks that can help you fall asleep, but I can’t just put them in practice until my gut has told me that I’ve done enough for the day.”

“Yeah, I get that too! That’s so fucking stupid, feelings are dumb. Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of them.”

“Imagine how orderly and productive life would be if we didn’t have these kinds of impediments!”

“Then again, there would be no satisfaction in all of that. Maybe we’d do nothing for lack of motivation.”

“Maybe it would be useful to have, like, a switch? Need to clean the house? Switch off so you don’t get bored. House just cleaned: switch it on to enjoy the feeling of being productive.”

“Find a guy you really, really like? Switch off so you can’t start pushing him away because of your stupid hang ups. The relationship becomes stable? You switch on so that you can enjoy loving and being loved back.”

His eyebrows are nowhere to be seen, so high they disappeared under his dark fringe.

“Is that how you feel about me?”

“It’s a rough approximation.”

Lottie appears through the door, panting.

“Guys, tomorrow night there will be the final recoupling…”

...and a double dumping.

Lottie looks worried.

“Can… can I talk to you for a second?” She asks.

I shoot a quick glance at Carl, he nods and leaves with his board.

“Did I interrupt anything?” Says Lottie as soon as he leaves.

“Don’t worry, tell me what’s up.”

“How are you so calm? I’m so worried… I think I’ll be dumped tomorrow. Bobby told me he wants to choose Emily and… I don’t know where Gary’s head is at.”

“Is Gary the only one you want?”

“Yes.”

“Did you do everything to let him know that he’s the one that you want?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then you did everything you could do and you have nothing to regret. If he wants you, that’s perfect, if he doesn’t, you can’t force him to. It’d be painful, but it means that you can move on with your life.”

Lottie frowns at her knees for a moment.

“How did it go with Hannah?” I ask.

She looks up, pouting.

“She used to be my friend but… knowing that she’s with Gary messes with my head. Does he like her? Does she genuinely like him? Did they do… anything?”

“Ask him.”

“I can’t just ask-”

“Yes, you can. You’ll find out at the recoupling otherwise.”

“Oh, so you asked Carl?”

I purse my lips.

Lottie chuckles and says:

“We might just be two dumb peas in the same dumb, dumb pod.”

“Couldn’t have said it better.”


	19. Que Sara Sara

This might be my last day here.

I picture myself home, going back to recording video, going on with my life as if I never came here. Yes, people might have talked about me and I might have gained some subscribers, but it’s still good ol’ QueSaraSara. Maybe a Sara that knows herself a little better, maybe one that thinks she knows everything but she’s actually dumber than she used to be.

It’s not too bad an idea but… where does Carl fit into this?

When I go home, he might still be here. Or maybe we’ll go home at the same time. In that case it might be because of a coincidence or because we’re together.

I don’t want to think about that. I might fall in love with the idea of us together. And if he chooses Shannon at the recoupling… it will evaporate like water in the desert.

I finally open my eyes. In the bed next to mine I see Bobby’s dreads peeping out from under the duvet. I can’t see Emily, but I’m sure she’s right beside him.

I sit up and notice that there’s someone in the bed on the opposite side. I can’t see an inch of them, so I whisper something towards the couple.

“Oi guys, who’s there in the bed next to mine?”

“It’s us, Bobby and Emily.”

“No shit. I mean the other side, you dumbass.”

“There’s someone in the other bed?”

Bobby emerges from under the duvet: Emily groans in disappointment and steals all of it for herself.

Bobby tiptoes around the foot of my bed and starts rubbing his chin while inspecting the human-shaped mass under the covers.

“Too small to be Ibrahim, Lucas or Graham, but too big to be a girl, except for Shannon maybe. I don’t see why Henrik would be here and-”

“Just lift the duvet and check the hair color.”

“Umph, fiiiine.”

He steps closer to the bed and gently lifts the duvet, peeping under it. As soon as he catches sight of it, he drops the duvet and his hand shoots up to his mouth.

“Black!”

It’s Carl then. My jaw drops.

The duvet flies off.

“Guys, you could have just asked.” Says Carl, squeezing his eyes shut in the morning light..

He’s so cute and hot with his ruffled hair and in his pyjamas… I’d pounce on him right now, but I still don’t know why he’s not in bed with Shannon.

That very question is clearly on everyone’s mind, except for maybe Emily who’s softly snoring.

He opens his eyes slowly and sees that I’m staring at him.

“I needed some space, so I slept here.”

That question was so obvious it didn’t even need to be asked.

“Fair enough.” I reply.

I don’t ask what else is going on, he’ll tell me if he wants to, but I can’t help but wonder. What happened yesterday while I was dying inside on the sofa? After Shannon went after him and before he came to me with the chessboard?

“Who wants pancakes?” Says Bobby.

Emily shoots up like a jack in the box.

“I do!”

Bobby leans over her and places a gentle kiss on her lips before walking to the kitchen.

I bite my lip. Ugh, seeing this makes me want to jump Carl’s bones right here and now…but I can’t. Big oof. Not stonks. Press F to pay respect.

I inadvertently press my leg with my finger as if I were pressing F for real. This situation isn’t good for my sanity and my mind defaults to memes. I facepalm and fall back on the bed.

“Sara…”

My hair stands on end. His voice is still slightly raspy since he just woke up, but it reminds me of that night in Casa Amor… 

“How are you?”

It sounds like an innocent question, but it’s not really. It’s not just a ‘did you sleep well’, it’s more of a ‘how are you holding up in these trying times’.

“Honestly? I’m ok. It’s not great, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that anything can happen, really, so I’m just going with the flow.”

He sits up and frowns at me.

“Don’t worry, I get it, seriously. _Whatever will be, will be._ _The future’s not ours to see. Que Sara, Sara._ ”

I sing the outro of my videos while waltzing away to the kitchen.

Gary is there, waiting for Bobby to finish the pancakes.

“Good morning, crane boy. Wassup?”

He grins at me.

“Nothing to complain about.”

“Have you spoken with Lottie?”

“Nope!”

He winks at me. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Maybe he wants to surprise her at the recoupling later.

“Pancakes are ready!”

Bobby calls Emily and Carl who are still on the daybeds.

We eat together and chat like old friends.

We go get ready, a lazy morning is exactly what we needed to unwind. Even Lottie seems less on edge.

I see her on a lounger with Priya and Elisa.

I point to her and scream.

“A witch! Catch her!”

Priya clasps her hands on her shoulders.

“I got her!” She exclaims while I approach them.

“We have a stake ready for you, fancy a ride?”

Lottie rolls her eyes with a playful smile on her lips. Elisa doesn’t look too thrilled to see me.

“Spoken with Gary?” I ask Lottie.

She frowns at me.

“Oh, ok, so no spoilers.”

Lottie perks up so suddenly that Priya jumps up startled.

“Did he tell you anything?”

I mime zipping my lips closed.

She stands up and I start running away, while making muffled noises as if I couldn’t open my mouth.

She chases me until I start panting near the pool. She tackles me so violently that we’re both thrown in the pool just like that.

“Nah, he didn’t say anything, he just dodged my question.”

“Oh come on Sara!”

“It’s just a feeling, just a vibe, I think he’s gonna choose you.”

Lottie gives me an underwater punch. I fake being hit hard and play dead until Emily divebombs right after us and the wave washes over my face.

We start splashing around in the pool. After a while Lottie pulls me closer.

“I have a hunch too. Have you seen how awkward Elisa is around you?”

“Yeah, I think she’s grafting on Lucas…” Emily adds.

I raise my eyebrows. I wasn’t really paying attention to that but.. it’d make sense… she took him out for a date when she came in.

“Oh, cool.”

Lottie raises one eyebrow at me.

“No, I mean it. I was happy for Henrik to have found Priya and now I’m happy for Lucas. I hope he’s fine and he’s free to do whatever he wants.” I explain.

“This is not exactly the same thing you thought about Carl and Shannon, is it?” Says Emily.

She’s right. Now that I think about it… well this is just the nail in my doubts’ coffin, isn’t it?

“Yeah… Well, I’m a whore for one, one Irish boy.”

I again resort to memes, drawing parenthesis in the air with my fingers on the second ‘one’.

Bobby and Gary follow us and jump in the pool, with two equally ridiculous screams.

The fun is interrupted moments later, when Jo informs us that this afternoon there will be a compatibility test.

“Aw fuck.”

Later I find myself sitting beside Lucas for the first time since I broke up with him. I kinda want to check on him but I decide against it.

The test doesn’t actually go that bad. On paper we’re compatible… but that’s not the whole story of course. Same goes for Carl and Shannon. She looks completely fine, but he doesn’t. Priya and Henrik win a small date in the Hideaway.

We finally get ready for the last recoupling. Boy’s choice of course. I stand there with a serene look on my face.  _ Que sera sera _ . 

First to go is Bobby.

“I struggled to find someone in the Villa at first. But one day, a whole bunch of new girls came in and I had my opportunity. I almost didn’t take it. I almost friendzoned myself once again for fear of… I don’t even know what I was afraid of. I thank my friend who encouraged me to seize the chance and I’m so thrilled that I did. The only person for me here is the lovely Emily.”

She has been wearing the most sickeningly sweet smile all the way through his speech. She takes off and jumps towards him and he spins her around a couple times before giving her a little kiss and going to sit on the bench.

Next is Lucas.

“I came here to have some fun. I thought I had found someone for me, but before I could couple up with her I got dumped. But I came back, I couldn’t stay away until I had a fair chance. I finally got my chance but it didn’t work. But it’s ok, because I met another amazing woman, who I got the chance to get to know in these few days. I want to couple up with Elisa.”

She sends me a glance and I nod encouragingly to her before she goes to kiss Lucas and sit beside him.

Graham is up next.

“Well guys, I’m not good with words, the only thing I can say is that this is quite an easy decision. It’s like asking me if I want a salad or my nan’s dressed crab for dinner. Well, Marisol’s my dressed crab.”

Not all girls would take this in stride, being called a ‘dressed crab’. Well, in a certain sense it’s a compliment… he ain’t no poet though.

Gary is next, I see Lottie turn vaguely green.

“I’ve been here since the very first day and I’ve coupled up with a few girls. One and one only really is the girl for me and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.”

I turn to Lottie and watch realisation slowly creeping on her face. He’s still here because she saved him from the dumping after Casa Amor.

“That girl is Lottie.”

Lottie frowns at Hannah and she stoically looks in the distance.

“Hannah…”

“It’s fine. You played the game, as you should have. Go with your man.”

Hannah’s tone is cold, but she’s sincere.

Lottie purses her lips and then moves on to hug Gary.

Next is Henrik. 

“As you all know, I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I’m not even gonna try to put this into words. I have no idea how I managed to keep her once I got a hold of her, but I’m sure glad I did. The girl I want to couple up with is Priya.”

She runs to him and gives him a little kiss before sitting down.

Ibrahim is next. The producers really hate me, don’t they?

“I’ve met a lot of amazing people in here. Friends, lovers… I wish well to every single one of them, even the people who will go home today. There’s a person who sticks out for being so perfect for me. This woman is Jo.”

Most eyes move over to Shannon. Her face is completely blank. He’s not the one she was hoping for.

Carl looks a little on the green-ish side. 

“Uh- I… well…”

He fumbles with words.

“I’m sorry that two of you will go home because of me, but this is the game and I don’t have much of a choice. I had to… take my time to decide, I guess? In the end, I have to choose the person who, since the first time I’ve laid my eyes on her, has intrigued me to no end. I have no idea how this is going to end, but I know the person I want beside me is Sara.”

His icy blue eyes meet mine and they knock all the air out of my lungs.

I sway a little where I stand. It takes a couple of solid seconds before my brain registers what I’ve just heard.

I take a step forward and sway hard to the left. My blood pressure is playing games with me again.

“Pota!”

Carl steps forward and catches me in his arms. I look up at him and his worried face fills me with pure bliss. My heart was already beating extra fast to compensate for the lack of pressure, now it’s drumming furiously against my ribs.

“Sara, are you ok?”

“Yeah… it’s just uh, a pressure drop. I’ll be fine.”

I straighten up and hug him back. I wish I could hug him tighter, but I don’t have enough strength to do that.

I sit on the bench and see Shannon looking at us with a pout on her face.

She and Hannah go back inside the Villa to gather their stuff.

My heart starts slowing down to normality and my head stops spinning.

I turn to the man beside me and hug him again, this time with my full force.

“Oof!” He lets out as I clamp down on his ribcage.

I loosen my grip, but don’t let go. I can hear his heart softly thumping, steady and reassuring.

“I take it you’re feeling better,” he says.

“Better than ever.”

We’re called over to say goodbye to Hannah and Shannon.

The two girls are ready to leave. Hannah looks like she shed a couple of tears and it reminds me of the way she used to be before. It’s not like I liked her or anything, but you’ve got to be true to yourself, faking being someone else only leads to disappointment.

Shannon is slightly fazed, but she’s calm as usual.

She looks at Ibrahim and Carl.

“I’ve played my cards right, they just weren’t great cards I’ve been dealt.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone, Shannon.” Says Ibrahim with half a smile.

“Of course I will.” She replies, confidently smiling.

Hannah frowns at Gary one last time before jumping on the jeep.

We watch them disappear and then we scatter around the Villa.

Carl and I look for a secluded spot, but every single one seems to be already taken..

Suddenly both our phones go off and we both got the same message:

_ The Hideaway is open! The first couple to get there will win a private night away from the other couples! _


	20. Strip Therapy

_ The Hideaway is open! The first couple to get there will win a private night away from the other couples! _

We exchange a glance and then we start to just run as fast as possible. 

Bobby and Emily are running too, but they are slightly behind us and closing in. I sprint forward and crash into the Hideaway door, then Carl crashes into me flattening me against the door.

“Ouch.”

“Oh, sorry.”

Emily lets out an annoyed groan and leaves without saying a word.

We get in and crumble on the bed, exhausted and we catch our breaths for a while.

Finally I sit up and sigh.

“Why?” I say.

An awkward pause.

“I mean, why me?”

Carl rolls on his back and crosses his hands beneath his head.

“Don’t get me wrong, we still have some work to do, but I think what we have going on is worth it. You know I want only the best in life and I think that we have the potential to be… perfect.”

Wow, it’s not like I needed any more pressure.

“And what I felt for Shannon wasn’t as intense as what I feel for you. What about you, why did you break up with Lucas?”

I heave a sigh. There’s no point in hiding it.

“He’s a good guy and I hope he and Elisa can be happy together, but… it felt wrong. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and feeling like shit because you were with Shannon.”

Carl smiles at the ceiling, when I stop talking he turns on his side and smiles at me instead.

He looks so pleased that I want to punch and kiss him at the same time.

“I’m happy you don’t feel the need to conceal your feelings anymore.”

“Ha, as if. I still do, it’s just that this time I want to fight for what I want. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, but that’s what you need me to do.”

“Is that all you’re feeling?”

I take a moment to think.

“No… I feel other things.”

“Are those things positive?”

“Yeah, mostly.”

“Are they worth it?”

“They’d be more worth it if you could give me a kiss.”

He purses his lips.

“Let’s play a game. Everything you tell me about you and why you think you are the way you are I remove one piece of clothing.”

“What is this, strip-therapy?”

“Sort of, I guess. For being honest before, I’ll remove my jacket.”

He takes it off, exposing his yellow shirt, under which I can see his muscles flexing seductively.

I sigh and rummage through my mind for stuff to say.

“I’m not religious, like, at all, not even spiritual. But sometimes I go to the church. In a certain way it makes me feel connected to my roots. I don’t attend mass, I just go there when no one else is around. I sit on one of the benches and just think about stuff. The silence, the calm, the atmosphere… it helps me see things through a different perspective, like everything is so small in the grand scheme of things.”

Carl is looking at me intently. He lets me finish and then he removes one of his shoes.

“I’m quite close with my dad, but not at all with my mum. She’s a cardiologist and the reason why we moved here. I think I blamed her for completely uprooting our lives when I was six. She’s the one who taught me chess, but she’s just so introverted that she sometimes feels like she’s from another planet altogether. We are actually surprisingly alike; I hate that about myself and I sometimes force myself to socialise more to avoid becoming too much like her.”

Carl’s face softens and he gives me an encouraging nod while removing the other shoe.

“I used to be bullied. I was always precocious as a child and the other kids loved to pick on me. I think that’s why I developed my fierce persona. In my teenage years I tried hard to be the perfect ‘cool girl’. I’d drink, smoke, have sex, do all the stuff that would make me look as cool as possible, even if I didn’t particularly want to do those things. But trying so hard to fit into that ideal didn’t get me the respect I wanted and I eventually stopped doing that.”

He unbuttons his shirt and throws it on the chair. It’s quite distracting. I bite my lip trying to focus, but I can’t think of anything else.

“Need help?”

I nod.

“Why did you wince when you saw me smiling at the Stick or Switch ceremony?”

Ah yes, of course. I never really explained.

“Being a female YouTuber in a ‘male’ field, has been a challenging career. Most people in my audience are good, but, of course, the bad apples are always the loudest. Being picked on by them brought back some really painful memories. But the worst was when I actually hooked up with a fan. At first he was fawning all over me, which was quite flattering, but after we had sex he turned entitled and controlling. I stayed with him for a couple of years and then I broke it off. This… actually happened to me more than once. Not exactly the same, but there definitely was a pattern. From the moment I showed interest in them, they started feeling entitled and I lost the little respect they were willing to pay me. It was then that I started becoming so guarded. That’s why I was so annoyed by Felix. I gave you the benefit of the doubt because you seemed so honest about everything.”

I take a deep breath.

“I winced because your smile meant you had won. The chase has always been the fun part, when they were fawning all over me. It’s when I show affection that the power shifts away from me and I’m not in control anymore.”

He stares at me with an indecipherable look on his face.

“How do you feel right now?” He finally says.

“I feel like I’ve handed you a knife that you can plunge into my back.”

“Good!”

I furrow my brow and tilt my head.

“I mean- good in the sense that... every time I don’t use the knife you’ll feel safer and safer! You need to give up some control, that’s inevitable; you did and now you’ll learn to trust me because even with power, I’ll never use it to hurt you.”

“That does make sense. It’s kind of the definition of trust.”

“Exactly! You’ve handed me the knife but I’m not gonna plunge it into your back.”

“I can think of something I might want you to plunge into me though… why are your trousers still on?”

He looks down, puzzled, and then he realises we’re still playing strip-therapy or whatever the fuck this is. I notice his cheeks going pink.

He removes them and he’s left with his boxers only.

“That’s all nice and good, but you might have noticed that I’m still fully dressed.” I say.

“Do you want to play a game too?”

I smile at him; he already knows me that well…

“Duh! I want you to tell me  _ exactly  _ what about me you were missing while we were apart.”

He smirks at me and I actually feel my nether region twitch.

“I missed playing chess…”

I remove my bracelet.

“...Our talks…”

Right earring.

“...Our silences…”

Left earring. I love the way he says ‘our’. It’s like these things are actually  _ exclusively  _ ours, no one else can have them.

“I missed the way you say ‘pota’...”

Necklace.

“... your thirsty comments…”

Shirt.

“...waking up with you in my arms…”

Jeans.

“...kissing you…”

Bra.

“...fucking you.”

It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him say ‘fuck’ and it’s so hot my panties fly off practically on their own.

“You still have your briefs on.” I remark.

“I want you to tell me you want  _ all  _ of me.”

“I want  _ all  _ of you.”

I grab a condom while he takes his briefs off.

“Is this another experiment?” He asks.

“Let’s see how many times you can make me cum.”

He strides towards me and presses his lips on mine. His hand holds the back of my head and I pull his hips towards me. While we passionately kiss, I feel him growing against me.

He pushes me on the bed slowly and I climb backwards towards the pillows. He bites my lip before trailing down my body. He stops at my breast and gives it a little flick of the tongue.

He keeps going down and down. He settles between my legs and gives me a quick look before diving in.

I arch my back and moan loudly as he starts dragging his tongue up and down. I look down and I see him with his eyes closed, focused on his task. His legs are folded beside him and his naked arse is sticking up wonderfully.

He suddenly starts torturing my poor clit, so hard that my legs start jiggling and I throw my head back.

He stops for just a second: I’m about to ask why he’d stopped when he resumes and slides two fingers in. I gasp, surprised, and he smiles against me. That little scoundrel!

He picks up speed, both with his tongue and fingers and I start tightening around them until I reach climax with a high pitched squeal.

He keeps going until I stop moaning. I look down and I see him fumbling with something while he keeps licking.

He gives my clit one last good suck before moving up. He already has the condom on, so I guess that’s what he was fumbling with.

He places himself at my entrance and starts to sink in slowly. A few slow pumps and then he starts going faster and faster, while he sucks my nipple.

I feel another huge wave of intense pleasure as I watch his lips so avidly suck on my breast.

I wriggle for a couple of seconds under him and he looks up at my face. I notice his hair flattened on his forehead by the sweat.

I push him off of me and then guide him to lay beside me on his back.

I straddle him and slowly lower myself down on him, this position lets him sink even further into me than before. As he reaches maximum depth it hurts, but it’s a good kind of pain. It’s overwhelming intensity. I rock my hips in little circles and then back and forth. I see him biting his lower lip. He starts moving under me, in sync, until eventually we’re both overcome by orgasms.

He hugs me tight to his chest: his heart is beating fast and his breath is short and quick.

He smells vaguely of sweat, but it’s not too bad. Actually, it’s quite sexy.

“I can’t believe I almost lost you.” I say. “I’m such a fuck up.”

“You’re not a fuck up, you’re fighting against your demons. Considering your past, it’s understandable why you’d be so guarded.”

Silence.

I think about the difference between now and when I had just had sex with Lucas. Back then I did it mainly because I wanted to feel desired, to feel useful. 

Now I did it because I wanted to share a wonderful experience with someone I really care about.

Even the first time I did it with Carl, it was different. It was still unclear if we’d be a thing or not. I initiated it mainly because I was feeling horny as fuck, but also because I wanted to see how he’d act afterwards.

I was pretty pleased with the encounter, he showed me a primal side of him, one that I didn’t think he had in him. He not only wanted me, but  _ he wanted me to want him _ .

And then, he kept treating me like his equal, not like a trophy he’d won. It scared me, because I had no reasons to keep him at a distance. I had no excuse, I just had to give in and that worried me to no end.

Now I’ve poured myself into him and I feel tugged towards him like a magnet. It’s like I gave him a piece of me and I need to be with him to keep myself whole. Is this love?

“I might have fallen in love with you.” I whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter from Sara's POV, next chapter will be back to Carl's!


	21. What Is Love (Baby Don’t Lie To Me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised that in the publishing process I completely skipped over a chapter! I'm so sorry, I just uploaded it: it's the new chapter 15, aka "Fields of Commiseration"
> 
> Back to Carl's POV!

“I might have fallen in love with you.”

My eyes go wide and I stare at the ceiling. Have I... broken her? She used to be so guarded and then she tells me  _ this _ ?

I look down and she looks pretty happy and satisfied.

Maybe she was holding back all of this behind a dam, and as soon as a crack appeared, the dam came down and everything poured out violently.

I’ve never been in love. I’ve had some hookups and short term relationships, but no girl ever made me feel anything past the first six months. As soon as I found out that Robyn wanted kids it was easy for me to shake everything off and move on as soon as possible.

It has been too long since she spoke, but I have absolutely no idea what to answer.

“How do you know that?”

I know this is not what guys say in movies and novels, but I can’t tell her that I love her if I don’t.

“I dunno.” She replies.

“Isn’t it… infatuation?”

“I have been infatuated before, but I’ve never felt like this.”

Silence.

“You don’t have to say anything back, don’t worry.”

I look at her in the eyes. She’s a little disappointed.

I don’t know what to say. I do feel strong attraction towards her, otherwise I wouldn’t have chosen her over Shannon, but I think it’s way too early to tell.

“I’m gonna get our pyjamas.” She says.

When we get to the bathroom she wraps herself in a towel and leaves.

I throw the used condom away and take a quick shower.

I really hope she’ll understand. She knows that I’m honest about everything. I don’t think she would want me to lie about this.

I hear her entering the bathroom.

“Already?”

“Yeah, I opened the door and our pyjamas were just there. I’m putting yours here, by the sink.”

She sounds fine. I hope she’s actually fine and not just hiding it.

The next morning I wake up a little confused and it takes me a while to register my new situation. Sara’s in my arms and we’re in the Hideaway. Right, the last recoupling!

And she said she might have fallen in love with me.

I place a light kiss on the top of her head. I’m so happy we’re back together. I don’t regret yesterday’s choice at all. Shannon is an amazing woman, but I don’t like her the way I like Sara.

Still, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I love her. Truth is, I don’t know what love actually feels like. 

Sara stirs in my arms and takes a deep breath.

She looks over her shoulder and I smile at her.

“Good morning, babe.”

“Back atcha, Irish boy.”

She gives me a cute kiss and we stay in bed for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I take it to read the message.

_ Islanders, get ready for an exciting day: this afternoon you will take the polygraph test and tonight there will be a double dumping! #dontlietome #causethisisthriller _

I show the message to Sara.

“Double dumping, huh? This is really coming to an end… I guess I didn’t realise that this was the last stretch.” She comments.

“Well, yesterday’s recoupling was the last one.”

“I know, but I was a little caught up with some minor drama, you know…”

“Thank goodness that’s behind us.”

“Yeah, let’s get ready for the day, I  _ bet  _ it will be drama-free, I can feel it in my bones.”

I roll my eyes. I’ve had enough of drama, probably for the rest of my life. But I’m still on Love Island and the producers will do anything for drama.

I try sliding my arm from over Sara, but she grabs my hand and keeps it in place.

“Hey, since we’re in the Hideaway, we might as well take advantage of it as much as possible, am I right?”

She is quite right and I rub myself against her butt in response, taking advantage of my morning wood.

She moans faintly, but then she slips from my arms in a heartbeat.

She throws away the duvet and pillows and then she starts tugging at my ankles.

“What the-”

“Don’t worry, I just need some space.”

Some space? I find myself with my feet dangling over the edge of the bed.

She walks towards the nightstand and takes a condom. I send her a questioning look and she climbs on the bed where my pillow was a minute ago.

_ Oh. _

I grin at her at the realisation and she grins back. She leans over and gives me an upside-down kiss. Not the best kiss ever since it’s in an uncomfortable position, but she quickly pushes down her pyjama pants and underwear before leaving a trail of kisses down my neck and torso.

I can’t see anything but her pussy, hovering a few inches from my face. I hear her ripping the wrapper off and feel it sliding down my length. I wrap my arms around her thighs and push her down on my face.

She gasps in delightful surprise but then she starts licking.

It’s an entirely different situation than sex or simply giving or receiving pleasure. Knowing that you’re giving as much as you’re getting, multiple erogenous zones taken care of, it’s just inebriating.

After one good lick from the base to the tip she takes it in her mouth and it feels just so good. I have to fight against the need to thrust up because I’m worried I might make her gag. One hand wrapped against the base, one around my balls and her mouth on the tip, moving up and down rhythmically, her juices dripping down my cheeks… this time I’m the one lasting less.

I savour every instant of the orgasm, failing to keep my tongue movements regular in any way.

She keeps moving her hand until I stop moaning.

I unwrap my arm from her thigh and resume my duty. I lick my two fingers and sink them into her.

She was so wound up that she literally takes less than a minute to climax herself.

She rolls on her back beside me panting slightly.

“God, I missed you!” she says.

We get ready for the day and leave the Hideaway; the vibe seems actually pretty chill throughout the villa, despite the impending dumpings.

Maybe it’s because finally everyone is matched and there are no more triangles creating drama.

I play a game of chess with Sara until it’s time for lunch. She wins.

In the afternoon we go back to the Hideaway and the first thing we have to do is to write three questions to ask our partners. I fiddle with my pen as I think about what to ask.

\- Do you regret having broken up with Lucas?

\- Do you still think you’re falling in love?

\- Are you sure you’re not upset because I didn’t say anything back?

I watch the questions: this will air some of our dirty laundry, but since everyone will find out eventually anyways I don’t think she’ll mind.

Girls first, and Sara’s the second to last.

She looks calm, like the prospect of being grilled isn’t a big deal. Maybe she thinks she has nothing to hide. The questions will appear on the screen after a technician hooks us up to the machine.

To the first question she just answers “No, I don’t,” and the machine says it’s true. I send a sideways glance at Lucas and I see his jaw clench noticeably.

After the second question Bobby gasps loudly and my cheeks flush violently. It’s an embarrassing moment, but I need to know.

Sara shifts in her seat and looks down at her hands.

“I don’t think so.”

The machine picks up the lie immediately and Sara grimaces.

This doesn’t really tell me if she’s really in love or not, it just tells me what she believes. She does believe that she’s falling for me, it’s kinda sweet, but it’s also kinda scary. What if I can never say that back? I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t lead her on.

Gary gives me a strong pat on the back and I can only muster half a smirk. His face falls almost comically when the last question is asked. I didn’t think my cheek could flush further, but they do.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

The machine says that it’s true.

The guys look uncomfortable, but there’s nothing I can do about it. They’ll be fine.

Sara comes out and I hug her. I don’t quite know what to tell her. 

“I don’t want to put pressure on you… I said that yesterday but I shouldn’t have.” She whispers.

“No, babe, it’s ok, you told me how you felt and it’s ok. I’m glad you’re not upset about me not reciprocating.”

“It takes a different amount of time for everyone. I obviously hope you’ll come around, but if you don’t it’s ok. As long as we both want to stay together, it’s not the absence of those three words that will change things.”

Once open you can’t stop the spill with her, I guess. She was so weird about things at first and now she’s being all mature about them. 

I wonder what her questions will be… I wait and wait, since they have left me until last.

I get wired up to the weird machine. These things are actually bullshit, because of many reasons, but in this context it’s just a bit of fun. Or a bit of drama, but that’s a given in reality shows.

_ Do you think we will win the game? _

We’re definitely an interesting couple, if I say so, but… I think other couples come across as stronger probably. Priya and Henrik for example…

“No, I don’t.”

The machine confirms my statement. I hope none of my answers will upset Sara. The only thing I can do so that she can learn to trust me is to be honest even when truth hurts.

_ Since I opened up to you, do you feel any different? _

“Of course I do, I feel that it got us closer.”

Again, the machine says that I’m telling the truth.

_ Do you think that we could work out for the long term? _

“I don’t know what’s in store for us in the future, but I think that it’s definitely possible.”

My honesty has definitely paid off, because Sara grins sincerely at me when I come out.

After the test, we all have dinner together. I haven’t paid any attention to the other people’s turns, but it seems that something is not quite right between Bobby and Emily. Bobby is weirdly downbeat and she doesn’t eat anything.

I lean sideways to whisper in Sara’s ear.

“I wasn’t paying attention, what happened between Bobby and Emily?”

“I don’t know, I think something happened yesterday night and they’ve been weird ever since.”

I haven’t been paying attention at all but, as an introvert, I’m exhausting all of my energies being here and I need all of them for my own relationships.

“Oh, I get it.”

Jo’s phone rings and she reads the text aloud.

_ Islanders, please gather at the fire pit for the dumping. _

We all move to it in silence: we spend a couple of minutes there before the next text comes.

The public has been voting for their favourite couples. The ones with the least votes will be at risk of being dumped.

The wait is unnerving. I’m sitting on the bench with my leg jiggling wildly up and down. Sara is beside me, absentmindedly drawing circles on her legs with her fingers.

_ The couples with the least votes are: Lucas and Elisa, Graham and Marisol, Carl and Sara _ .

Sara throws her head back and covers her face with her hands. I’m frozen in place, now that my leg has finally found rest.

_ The safe couples will gather on the roof terrace and discuss which couple to save: the other two couples will be dumped. #theFinalStretch _

The safe couples all have grim looks on their faces, but they eventually make their way towards the villa.

Elisa stands up and paces back and forth. I turn to Sara and slither an arm around her shoulders to pull her towards me. She rests her head on my shoulder and strokes my thigh lightly.

After what feels like an eternity, one final text arrives.

_ The Islanders have chosen to save Lucas and Elisa: Carl, Graham, Marisol and Sara, please pack up. _

My head spins wildly. We’re going home. The future is entirely uncertain at this point.

Marisol hugs Graham and starts to sob silently. Sara looks downcast and has a pout on her lips. I entwine my fingers with hers and she turns to me with a strained smile.

Her eyes drift to the side and I turn to see what she’s looking at. Lucas is staring at us.

I stand up and Sara follows me into the villa. I’m packing in the dressing room when Lucas comes in.

“Can I help you?”

He’s standing in the door frame, occupying most of it with his chiseled figure. He might just be the reason why me and Sara were one of the least favourites.

“Just don’t waste the opportunity you were just given. Do your best to build something meaningful with Elisa.”

He just nods.

After some heartfelt goodbyes, Sara and I are whisked away to the hotel. We’ll stay there until the finale since we’ll have to be there for the party.

We don’t say a word until we get to the hotel.

“Do you want separate rooms or…” Asks the lady behind the desk.

“One double will be fine, thanks.” I reply.

We’re given the card and directions to the elevator. Once in the room, I throw myself on the bed and Sara does the same. After a few minutes of silence, the initial shock finally subsides.

“Well, that was a bummer.”

Sara rolls on her side and adds: “How do you feel about this?”

I sigh and bite my lip pensively.

“I’m disappointed that we’re out of the game. I knew we wouldn’t win, but it’s still a bummer.”

The question still unspoken hangs over us like a cloud. Why did the other islanders save Lucas and Elisa and send us home instead?

“Do you think they disliked us?” I ask.

“I didn’t think so. But I don’t know why else they would have done it, since we weren’t that much of a threat to the others.”

“Guess we’ll find out when the next episode airs.”


	22. In The End, It Does Actually Matter

The next morning at breakfast we met all the other dumped Islanders staying for the finale. Luckily, Shannon is as chill as she’s ever been.

We gather in Chelsea’s room to watch the episode together. We patiently wait for the dumping to come, the curiosity is just too much to bear. Apparently, whatever happened between Bobby and Emily was in the last episode, so we’ll have to wait to find out.

When the dumping comes the camera pans on the grim faces of the Islanders who had to choose which couple to save. No one quite knows what to say at first, until Bobby breaks the silence.

“Guys, this sucks, like, really really sucks. But we have no choice… let’s put it like this, at least we can save someone.”

“I want Lucas to stay, he’s my buddy, I’d hate to lose him again!” Says Henrik with a small frown.

“I’d prefer to save Carl and Sara…” replies Gary.

“I’d want to keep Carl and Sara too, but I’m not sure it’s the best for them.”

Seven flabbergasted faces turn to Priya.

“What do you mean?” asks Lottie.

“I mean that… Sara said she was fine with going home and moving on with her life before the last recoupling. Now she is with Carl and they’d go home together. This show throws you all kinds of curveballs and they’ve had their fair share. I think it’s best for their relationship to let them go home now and work on themselves. Lucas and Elisa on the other hand, they haven’t had the chance to really bond, so they only stand to gain from staying here.”

The others remain silent for a second, taking everything in.

“But wouldn’t they want a chance to win?” Asks Bobby.

“I don’t think they could win though.” Answers Emily.

Another uncomfortable silence is stretched to infinity by the editors for suspense.

“Guys, we can’t be here forever, we have to do this. If no one has anything else to say, it’s settled.” says Jo.

Lottie receives a text.

_ Islanders, please send a text with the names of the couple you’ve decided to save. _

Lottie hands her phone to Gary and he in turn hands it to Ibrahim, who gives it to Henrik.

Henrik frowns, but he finally takes the responsibility to write the names.

Graham turns the TV off and puts his hand around Marisol’s waist. They weren’t even mentioned once.

Marisol grimaces at the now black screen. Sara is staring at the screen too, but her face is expressionless.

After a few seconds she leans back and turns to me.

“They weren’t wrong though.”

I take her hand and entwine my fingers with hers. She’s right. We weren’t likely to win and it’s probably best for us to work on our relationship away from cameras, challenges and drama.

She grins at me and squeezes my hand.

“Fancy a game?” She asks.

“Chess?”

“Duh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying with me until the very end! I appreciate comments, kudos and bookmarks a lot, but if you just read the story... I appreciate you all the same. I hope you enjoyed reading and if you did, stay tuned because more is coming soon!


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